


Back Together

by Morgorah



Category: Westlife
Genre: Boyband, Flashbacks, M/M, Reunions, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-23
Updated: 2019-08-23
Packaged: 2020-09-24 23:09:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 25,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20366650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morgorah/pseuds/Morgorah
Summary: Westlife are back!!! It's been 6 years since Shane Filan and Nicky Byrne had to say goodbye to their special friendship. Now that the band are back together can things still be the same as before?





	1. Prologue - February 2018

**Author's Note:**

> Authors Note - 16 years ago I discovered fan-fiction for the very first time, addictive stories about my favourite band that I just couldn't get enough of. Fast forward to today and although I've written a few fics over the last 7 years, none have been about Westlife. Now I've put my writing practice, my filthy mind, and my love for these guys together to come up with my very own ShNicky fic. I love reading about these guys, I hope you do too.
> 
> AN2: I've only guessed at the timescales for the events of 2018, I don't know for sure when they met up with Louis or recorded the singles etc.
> 
> Warnings: M/M and explicit
> 
> Disclaimer: Obviously, I have absolutely no affiliations with Westlife, Shane or Nicky. Can you imagine if I did!?

The black car pulled up in front of the pub and Shane leaned over to kiss his wife on the cheek.

'Don't wait up' he said as he reached for the door.

He felt nervous as he walked towards the familiar pub. It was the same one he always went to with his friends, but tonight wasn't your typical Friday night out.

Inside he found Kian and Mark already sat at a table with three pints of Guinness in front of them.

'Sorry I'm late' he apologised as he hugged each of his friends and took off his jacket.

'No worries mate, Mark and I were just reminiscing.'

Shane grinned. That was exactly how this whole thing had started. Shane and Kian had caught up with each other over Christmas at an Egan Family celebration. Westlife was something they very rarely mentioned any more, but once the topic came up it had felt amazing to just talk about everything they'd experienced and achieved together over the years. By the time they both went home they'd had a lot to drink, and had started to ask themselves; what if they could do it all again...?

Tonight's conversation started off with small talk. Mark told them about his new boyfriend Cailean, Kian talked about his new baby Cobi, and Shane had apparently got a new horse, although technically it was for the kids. It was like they'd never been apart and it felt great to be around each other again after so long. When there was a lull in the conversation Shane and Kian looked at each other, silently communicating. Mark caught the look.

'Alright lads, what's up? I get the feeling tonight isn't just about catching up, is it?'

Kian went on to explain what had happened over Christmas.

'It just got stuck in our heads' Shane cut in as Kian told Mark about their big idea. 'We were texting each other the next day saying could we do it? Could we get the band back together? Would the fans still want us? Could we make it in today's industry?'

They could see the wheels already turning in Mark's head.

'Of course we don't want to do it if you and Nix aren't completely up for it' said Kian, 'and there's no rush, we've been talking it through with Gillian and Jodi for months now. We haven't said anything to Nicky yet either.'

They gave Mark some time to take it all in.

'I got asked for a photo the other day' Kian suddenly said after a while. 'We went to Mammy Johnston's on Pancake Tuesday to treat the kids. The place was mobbed and we nearly left when we couldn't get a table. We finally get a seat and this girl comes up rambling about being on holiday and how she didn't think she'd actually meet anyone from Westlife. Honestly it was such a buzz, it never happens anymore, and it got me really excited you know?'

'It was never about the fame for me' Mark said. 'I just wanted to sing. I love music, and I just want to say this now; if we do this we're making new music and making a proper go of it, we've been offered a 'reunion' thing before and I don't want to just sing all our old stuff.'

Shane and Kian completely agreed with him.

'Hey, do you remember that time Nicky couldn't find his trousers 5 minutes before we were about to go on stage at the Point?' Kian said randomly.

The other two laughed, and for the rest of the night the three friends shared their memories of when they had been part of one of the biggest boybands in the world.

Mark was definitely intrigued, but he knew Westlife getting back together would be a really big deal. He'd settled into a new quiet life and by the sounds of it he wasn't the only one enjoying being 'normal' for once. That being said he did miss singing and performing, and being on the road with his friends. He couldn't quite believe they were seriously considering it. Could Westlife actually get back together?

Mark was the first to leave a few hours later, while Shane and Kian stayed in the pub a while longer.

'That went well, right?' Kian asked once he was gone.

'Yeah, at least he didn't outright say no.'

They were both feeling really positive about it. Both their families were completely on board, and if Mark said yes that would be three out of four.

'Have you heard from Nicky lately?'

Shane shook his head, not quite able to form the words. He'd done an interview on Nicky's radio show, and Nicky had surprised him by showing up at his concert at the Olympia in Dublin in October, but other than that they had barely talked. Westlife splitting had been a hard time for everyone involved, but for Shane and Nicky it had meant more than the end of the band, it had meant the end of the special relationship they had shared with each other for 13 years. Fans had speculated and guessed at how close the two were, and they had been right. Shane knew his experience with Westlife would never have been as incredible if it hadn't been for Nicky.

'Shane?'

'Huh?'

'You were in a world of your own there, mate!'

'Very funny' Shane teased at the pun as he tried to shake thoughts of Nicky from his mind.

'So if Mark says yes we'll go visit Nicky, yeah?'

'Yeah' Shane said absently. How on earth was he going to do this? How was he going to be in the same band as Nicky again, knowing everything they had shared with each other the first time round?


	2. Chapter 1 - April 2018

Nicky opened the door to find three very familiar faces smiling at him. Exactly one week ago he'd received a message from Kian saying they were coming to Dublin for a few days and would love to visit. 'A proper Westlife catch up' the message had read. He'd been apprehensive about it at first. He'd not seen his ex-bandmates much at all over the last 6 years, except from a few interviews on his radio show and going to see Shane's concert.

As they all piled in through the door he pulled Mark, who was the closest, into a huge hug before anyone else could even say hi.

'Good to see you mate' Nicky said as he stepped aside to let them all in.

Once inside they were all smiles and hugs and joyful greetings. Gina was there too but she quickly excused herself as she had been preparing refreshments for them. Shane offered to help her and followed her into the kitchen. He hadn't properly greeted Nicky yet, but he was feeling nervous about being here and wanted the excuse to go compose himself.

A few minutes later he re-entered the room carrying a tray of food. When his eye's met Nicky's across the room they both froze. He'd tried to mentally prepare himself for this moment, but he hadn't expected the way his heart seemed to just suddenly stop beating. After what felt like minutes, but really had only been a few seconds Nicky cleared his throat and Shane forced himself to smile.

'So you are here? I was thinking I'd imagined you at the door.' he teased.

Shane was still standing with the tray in his hands.

'Yeah I'm here' he croaked, his throat dry.

'OK!' Kian interrupted loudly. 'You wanna bring that over here Shay?' he asked, nodding to the tray of food.

Shane shook himself and crossed the room.

'You ok?' Kian whispered to him as he put the tray down.

Shane nodded, but he wasn't sure that he was fine. As soon as he'd seen Nicky he'd started to think maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.

Thankfully the tension between them dissipated once the conversations started, and everyone started to relax and enjoy themselves more. They all had a lot to talk about, and as they all enjoyed each other's company, the food and the Guinness, the conversations flowed easily. Soon they landed on the reason why they were all here. It was actually Nicky that brought up the subject first.

'Ah lads, I can't believe it's been almost 6 years since we were all in the same room' he said with a sigh.

'Yeah, it's been far too long' Mark agreed.

'We had the best time together though, didn't we?'

'We sure did' Kian agreed, and grinned at Shane and Mark.

Nicky hadn't missed the exchanged glances between the three that had been going on all evening. He kept telling himself it was nothing, but now he was sure that something was up.

'So why are we all here?' Nicky asked, trying to sound casual but really his heart was racing. He felt nervous as he watched yet another silent conversation take place between his three friends.

'Well' Kian started, deciding it was now or never 'we've been thinking about getting the band back together.'

Nicky just gaped at him in response. 'You can't be serious! It's only been 6 years, we all have families and other jobs and...' he trailed off when he realised that the three faces before him were indeed deadly serious. 'We can't just come back! Can we?'

'Well we know Louis will be 100% behind it, and all our families are ok with it' said Mark. 'Only person left to ask was you.'

'But there's no pressure' Shane quickly put in. It was the first time he had actually spoken in a while. 'I mean, if you don't wanna do it then we won't do it, we're fine with that, and you can take your time to think about it and chat with Gina and stuff...' he trailed off, his face heating up for no apparent reason.

Nicky could only nod in response. Watching Shane getting flustered had made him realise there was another reason getting the band back together wouldn't be that simple. Being around him tonight had been far more difficult than he had thought it would be. There was just too much history between them, and as much as he had hoped that all of that was in the past now he had known the moment their eyes met tonight that everything he had once felt for Shane hadn't just magically vanished over time.

'You ok Nix?' It was Mark.

Nicky looked up at him and could see the concern on his face.

'Yeah, I er...' he cleared his throat to try and get his voice to actually work properly. 'Yeah I'll definitely need some time to think about it. I do miss Westlife and performing with you guys, but this is a big decision.' He looked at Shane then, he hadn't meant to but something had compelled him look up. Shane looked so unsure and vulnerable, and as much as Nicky hated to see him like that it was sort of a relief to see that he wasn't the only one battling with his emotions right now, or at least that's what it looked like to him.

He watched as Shane suddenly stood up saying 'I'm gonna get more drinks, be back in a minute' and very quickly dissappear into kitchen.

As soon as he was alone Shane let out the breath he hadn't even realised he'd been holding, gripping onto the counter for support as he shook his head. He couldn't do this; it was too hard. He couldn't still have feelings towards Nicky, if the band got back together it couldn't be like before!

'You ok?'

He turned around to find Kian standing behind him.

'Yeah I just needed a moment.'

'Nicky?'

Shane nodded.

'I haven't seen him in so long, I thought it would be different...'

'I didn't realise you still felt that way about him.'

'Neither did I! It's kinda taken me by surprise.'

'Judging by how he's been tonight I'd say he's feeling the same.'

'You noticed too then.'

Kian nodded. 'Look if Nicky does agree to this, and we get back together, you two need to sort this shit out. Maybe you should just talk about it'

'I wouldn't know what to say!'

'You'll figure it out mate. Here, I'll take these drinks in and I'll see you in there yeah?'

Shane was glad Kian understood. He hadn't at first, when he'd first found out about Shane's relationship with Nicky back in the early days of Westlife he'd been really angry about it, but it had soon become obvious how good the two were for each other, and both Kian and Mark had come to accept it. Kian was right, if Nicky said yes to Westlife 2.0 he really needed to talk to him about what that meant for them!

Nicky couldn't sleep, which was no surprise considering the absolute bombshell that had just been dropped on him. He stared up at his bedroom ceiling, trying to gather his thoughts. To be in Westlife again; there was no doubt it would be amazing to perform again, to feel that rush on stage, to make great music and to go on tour. He had no idea what Gina was going to say about it, she'd already gone to bed by the time everyone left, and what about his other jobs? What about his radio show and Dancing with The Stars? There was a lot to consider, but he knew deep down that he wanted to say yes.

The 14 years of Westlife had been the best years of his life, but there had been a reason for that; every experience had been shared with his best friends, and with Shane, the one man who had turned his life upside down. He had not been prepared for the intense rush of emotions he had felt at seeing him again tonight, and it terrified him.

The light of his phone flashing on the bedside table broke his thoughts. It was a message from Shane.

You awake?

Yeah I'm up Nicky replied.

You OK?

Not sure tbh, it's a lot to take in!

I know, but take as long as you need

Nicky didn't reply right away, there was so much he wanted to say but just couldn't find the right words. Another message popped up.

It was really good to see you today

He felt his heart begin to race.

You too Shay he replied.

Phone me if you need to talk about it ok?

Nicky wasn't sure what he meant, did he mean talk about Westlife or talk about them?

Ok. See you tomorrow?

Yeah see you tomorrow. Night Nix x

Nicky couldn't help but smile at the kiss at the end of Shane's message, so he sent one back.

Night Shay x

The rest of the weekend passed far too quickly for Nicky. It was so much fun being with his best friends again as they reconnected and talked about Westlife both future and past, and it felt like no time at all before they were all saying their goodbyes again. Gina had taken the kids to see their grandparents that morning, so once the lads had gone Nicky was left alone. His mind was a whirl as he tried to figure out how he was going to tell her the news. He'd mostly made up his mind, he wanted to do it, it was all down to two deciding factors: what Gina thought about it, and what it meant for him and Shane!

The first deciding factor turned out to be no problem at all. His wife was 100% supportive of the idea as soon as he told her and said that she knew how happy he'd been in Westlife, and could tell how much he wanted to do it again. The second deciding factor however, wasn't so easy. After his wife had gone to sleep Nicky came back downstairs to phone Shane.

'You Ok?' Shane asked as soon as he answered the phone.

'Yeah, I'm fine. I spoke to Gina... she wants me to do it.' It sounded like he was whispering.

Shane sucked in a breath. 'That's great!' he said, trying to stop the shake in his voice. 'And...what about you? Do you want to do it?'

There was silence on both ends of the phone, they both knew the impact whatever Nicky said now would have on both their lives.

'Yeah...I do' he finally replied.

For a moment Shane felt like he could cry; they were going to do it, Westlife were getting back together!

'That's... that's brilliant! Wow. So we're really gonna do it then?'

Nicky couldn't help but smile at the excitement in Shane's voice.

'Yeah we are, we're getting back together'

They both took a moment to let those words sink in. Getting back together. Nicky had meant the band of course, but Shane couldn't stop himself from wondering if he had meant the two of them too?

'You OK Shay?'

He must have been silent too long. He cleared his throat.

'Yeah, I'm fine Nix. Sorry, got lost in my thoughts there.'

'Don't tell me you're changing your mind now!'

'No of course not! I was just... I wasn't thinking about...I mean I just'. He was getting flustered.

'What's wrong?' Nicky asked.

'It's nothing, don't worry about it.' Just because Shane realised he was still in love with Nicky, it didn't mean that Nicky still felt the same way about him.

'Shane you know you can still talk to me right? About anything at all... we used to share everything with each other'

'I know' Shane croaked in response. That was the problem, they had literally shared everything and now he didn't know how they were supposed to do Westlife again when they couldn't be what they had been before. 'How are we going to do this Nicky?' he suddenly blurted out.

'The band? I'm pretty sure the same as before, we get some good songs, record them, do a tour...'

'No I mean, how are we going to do this? It can't be the same as before, you know?'

Nicky swallowed and nodded as he tried to form coherent words and remain calm. Eventually he said 'No, it can't...even if we wanted it to.'

'Do you want it to?'

'I... well no, of course not...but...I mean I still...' he sighed in exasperation. Why was this so hard?

'I know what you mean' Shane said, smiling sadly, Nicky had summed it up perfectly with his lack of sense. It was too complicated, they both had families now, the girls wouldn't be as accepting of their relationship as they had been before.

'So we just ignore it yeah?' Nicky asked. His heart was beating so fast.

'Yeah, I think that's the right thing to do' There was a long pause. 'Even if it is going to be easier said than done.'

Nicky felt his breath leave him. So he wasn't alone in this, Shane still felt the same too. But they were right, everything was different now, and whatever they had been before, they couldn't be that again.


	3. Flashback 1 - 1998

An audition!

Nicky had just received a phone call inviting him to an audition taking place at The Pod this Saturday. He wasn't sure if he should actually go or not, his confidence had been knocked after the disaster that was his football career, but in the end he told himself what was the worst that could happen? He could just go along, sing a few Boyzone songs and if they didn't like him then he had nothing to lose.

He dressed smart for the audition, and once he was there realised it must have meant more to him than he had first anticipated; he was nervous. He looked around at the other lads who had turned up, there must have been at least a hundred of them. To calm his nerves he decided to talk to the tall lad in front of him in the que. His name was Brian, and after watching his audition Nicky was close to turning around and walking out. This Brian guy was good, really good.

'Next!'

Nicky walked into the room, passing Brian as he went. The other lad winked at him for encouragement.

Nicky took a deep breath to calm his nerves. While waiting for his turn he had heard that one of the judges was none other than Boyzone's manager, Louis Walsh! Whether it was knowing he was on the judging panel or having witnessed Brian's great audition before his he didn't know, but Nicky was so nervous that he missed the first two bars of the music. He could see one of the judges trying to cut the backing track, but Nicky suddenly felt that he had to fight for this, he did want this, and so even after the music stopped he continued to sing, a cappella.

At the end of the song he thanked the judges for their time and left the room quickly. He had blown it. In the corridor he found Brian, and since he was the closest he was going to get to a familiar face right now he went up to talk to him.

'You were great, the way you just kept going, and you're voice is perfect' Brian said.

Nicky blushed. 'Thanks, but it was nothing compared to you, you've totally got this.'

A short while later both Nicky and Brian were lead to a smaller room at the end of the corridor. They had no clue what was happening, but about 20 other lads were there and Nicky started to think that maybe he actually had a chance! The man Nicky now realised was Louis Walsh came in and introduced himself, and explained that he was putting together a new pub band. Nicky felt disappointed, he'd done the pub scene with his Dad for a while now and he was looking for something different, something more exciting, but this was Boyzone's manager and even though he didn't want to be in a pub band he couldn't pass up this opportunity.

The lads that were left were then asked to wait around for a photoshoot. This Nicky was not expecting. Just before the shoot one of the other judges came up to introduce himself. His name was Kian Egan. Nicky asked him if he was in Louis' pub band and the other lad just laughed it him. It turned out Nicky had gotten it very wrong, it wasn't a pub band Louis was putting together, it was a pop band! Nicky was incredibly relieved, a pop band, now that made all the difference.

After the photoshoot, feeling relieved and excited to find out what was going to happen next, Nicky and some of the others were invited to a second audition later that week. He started to feel hopeful, it was looking good.

The second audition was far more nerve wracking than the first. At the judges table were the 4 current members of the band, and Louis himself.

Brian followed by Nicky were the first two to audition.

When he entered the room Nicky scanned the faces of the 5 guys he had to impress with his performance, wanting to connect to at least one of them. His eyes landed on the brunette at the end of the table who was looking down at a piece of paper in front of him. When the brunette looked up their eyes met, and the young lad smiled at him. For a moment Nicky couldn't breathe. He completely lost himself as he stared at the young man, he could feel his heart racing.

'Nicky Byrne?"

Louis' voice grabbed his attention and he shook himself.

'Er, hi, yes, I'm Nicky Byrne...'

The performance was a blur. He sang his heart out, all the while his attention kept being drawn to the young lad at the end of the table. Once it was over he made his way back out to the corridor to wait for the verdict. He was waiting with Brian again when the 4 current members of Louis' band came right up to the two of them.

'Right, come upstairs, just us lot – we're going to do some songs with you' Kian said to them.

Taken aback by how quickly this was all happening Nicky found it hard to focus as he followed them upstairs. He was praying it would be Boyzone songs, but the first song turned out to be 'Quit Playing Games' by the Backstreet Boys. He was happy with that, he knew this one well.

The room they sang together in was small. Brian stood on one side of the room with Kian and one of the other lads, Nicky was on the other with the brunette that had caught his attention downstairs and the last member of the band.

'Hi' the brunette said to him 'I'm Shane.'

'Hi' Nicky replied shakily.

'You alright?' Shane asked him, noticing how nervous he was.

'Yeah, just nervous, he's really good' Nicky replied, nodding to Brian.

The brunette leaned in and said quietly 'You've got this, you were my favourite.'

Nicky felt his entire body tingle. What was it about this guy?

Singing together was amazing, the energy the 6 lads shared was something Nicky had never experienced in his life. There was a genuine buzz in the air, and their voices blended together like magic. After a few songs Louis came in to congratulate them all on a job well done, and then asked Nicky and Brian to wait outside while they discussed who to pick.

This was it, either his entire life was about to change and he would become the fifth member of Louis Walsh's new pop band, or he would have to watch his new friend win the prize of a lifetime.

After what felt like a very long time Louis eventually came out of the room.

'So we can't decide who to pick, we think you are both perfect for the band but if you both join that still leaves one too many. How would you boys feel about going to live in Sligo with the other lads for a couple of weeks, just to see how you all get on, and then we'll make a decision then?'

It wasn't really a question. How could he possibly say no? He would have to tell his parents and his girlfriend of course, but without hesitation both of them said yes.


	4. Chapter 2 - May 2018

Louis Walsh gaped at the four men in his office.

'You're dead serious? You're not just pulling my leg?'

'We're dead serious Louis' said Kian, 'we want to get the band back together'

Everyone watched as their manager's features transformed from shock to excitement.

'That's fantastic, that's brilliant! Absolutely, let's do this! '

It was the most exciting afternoon as they all frantically started brainstorming ideas for Westlife's big comeback. The lads made it perfectly clear that they didn't want a sing all the old songs tour, but wanted to make new and current music as well. By the end of the meeting everyone was well and truly buzzed.

The Sligo lads had booked a hotel for the weekend as they didn't want to encroach on Nicky and his family. They'd arrived in Dublin the evening before, but Nicky had been unable to join them. Tonight however, Georgina had told him to go out with his friends because he didn't get to see them very often and he hardly ever went out on a Saturday night anymore.

They were all still on a high from the meeting as they made their way out of the office.

'You still coming out tonight Nicky?' Mark asked.

'I sure am, I've been given the night off by the missus and I am all yours'

He grinned at Shane who was walking beside him. Shane smiled back, but it wasn't his usual bright smile.

Nicky nudged him with his elbow and asked quietly 'You OK?'

Shane tried not to meet his eyes as he answered 'yeah of course, why wouldn't I be?' but Nicky could see that something was up. In fact now that he thought about it Shane had been sort of distant all day. He didn't want to push it, but at the same time he cared a hell of a lot about his friend.

'I'm here if you need to talk' he said gently.

This time Shane really did smile. 'Thanks Nix'

When Shane looked at him again he could see the sadness and conflict in his eyes. They were almost at the door when the shorter man suddenly stopped. Kian and Mark were already outside.

'I had a fight with Gillian'

'I'm sorry to hear that Shay. I'm sure you'll make up. What was it about?'

'Well, it was about you actually'

'Me?'

'Yeah, she just made a silly joke about not getting too close to you. I should have just laughed it off but I didn't and she got mad. She thinks there's something going on between us but I told her that wasn't going to happen this time. I'm not sure if she believed me.'

'Oh Shay, I'm so sorry'

'It's not your fault' he said sadly.

'Do you want me to ask Gina to talk to her? Maybe she could put her mind at ease, explain that we've already talked about this and we've agreed things are different this time.'

'You told Gina we talked about it!?'

'Yeah, you didn't tell Gillian?'

'No, I never... that's private...I haven't even figured it all out myself yet' he said, blushing and feeling incredibly uncomfortable.

Nicky felt so sorry for him. He had told Gina that they had talked about their relationship, but he hadn't told her that he was still in love with him.

Neither of them quite knew what to say. It had been a lot easier to ignore the way they felt about each other when they were on either side of the country, but having spent all morning cooped up in the same room, they had both already started to realise this was going to be a lot harder than they had thought.

'We should go, the others are waiting. See you tonight yeah?'

Nicky nodded, and followed him out of the building.

Later that night Nicky sat at a table in the VIP area of a small bar in the centre of town. He would have preferred something less central, but it was only a short walk from the hotel the others were staying at. Finally the others arrived and they all greeted each other with hugs. Shane was the last to greet Nicky and he was relieved to see that he was looking a lot happier than he had this morning. He watched him as he took off his jacket and put it over the back of his chair.

Damn he was looking good tonight. Wearing a black polo shirt with the top two buttons open, and he could see a small portion of chest hair poking out. He involuntarily licked his lips, and then looked up to find Shane raising an eyebrow at him in question. Nicky shook his head as if to silently say sorry, but to his surprise the Sligo man smirked at him. Their eyes met and held. They hadn't said a word to each other, but it appeared they didn't need to. They understood one another perfectly; this whole ignoring the tension thing was already proving to be a challenge.

'I think it should be up tempo, it needs to be something that people will say hey, have you heard Westlife's new song?'

'Yeah totally, but it still has to have the classic Westlife sound like Uptown Girl or World Of Our Own'

They were discussing their comeback single and were more than a few drinks in. In fact the bar had started to empty, and a short while later the bell calling for last orders rang.

'Jaysus is that the time? I'll never get a taxi home at this hour!' Nicky exclaimed. He had forgotten to book one but had intended on leaving early enough that he would be able to catch one on the street. There was no chance of that happening now that it was past midnight.

'You're welcome to stay with one of us' Kian offered.

'Thank you but I really should get home' He got out his phone to send a message to Gina, only to discover that it had run out of battery. 'Crap' he exclaimed, and showed the dead phone to his friends.

'Don't worry' said Shane 'I can message her'

Before Nicky could stop him Shane had typed out a message and hit send.

'What did you say!?'

'That you're staying with one of us tonight' he grinned.

'Shane!'

'Don't worry mate, our hotel bar is still open for another 3 hours, that's gotta be a bonus right?' said Kian.

Nicky admitted defeat, and the four of them staggered their way out of the bar, and down the street towards the hotel.

Thankfully they were the only customers at the hotel bar. It was almost 1am when they arrived; drunk, excited and clearly having a proper craic. The bar staff seemed a bit put out by their rowdiness, but given who they were they let it slide. Their laughter was loud, and their conversation almost impossible to follow, and after just a few more drinks it seemed they were finally reaching their limit. Mark was slumped on the table, his head cradled in his arms.

'You Ok there mate?' Kian asked, nudging him.

Mark's head jerked up, startled 'You wha?'

'Alright Feehily, I think it's bed time for you'

'What no, s' still too earleeeee' Mark protested.

'Uhuh, whatever you say Markey.'

Kian grinned at the other two, clearly finding the situation hilarious, but then his grin turned into a yawn. Maybe it was time to call it a night.

'I'm gonna help him up to bed, you two coming?'

Shane watched his friend stand up, and then at the unfinished glass of Guinness in front of him. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Nicky still seemed to have his senses about him. He made a split decision.

'No, you two go on up, I'm gonna finish my pint with Nicky here' and he threw an arm around the blonde.

Nicky turned to look at him questioningly, but Shane just shrugged, before turning to watch Kian helping Mark to his feet. He jumped up too and lifted Mark's other arm over his shoulders so he was propped between the two of them, and then with some effort the three of them staggered their way to the lift.

'It's ok, I got it from here' said Kian, as they waited for the doors to open.

'You sure?'

'Yeah, we're good. Go have fun' Kian motioned towards the table and Nicky.

Shane felt his cheeks colour and Kian laughed at him. 'S' not funny' Shane wined. 'S' not like that this time...' He surprised himself at the pain in his voice at the confession.

Kian felt bad for him, he hadn't realised the ShNicky thing was still an issue, but he also hadn't been blind to the way they'd been around each other, especially tonight.

The lift arrived and Kian gave Shane another concerned look as he pulled Mark inside

'Don't worry about it, we're fine... ' Shane assured him as the doors to the lift closed. 'We'll be fine.'

When Shane arrived back at the table he found a full pint of Guinness next to his half-finished one, and Nicky smirking at him.

'Tryna get me drunk Byrne?'

'I think you're already past drunk Filan, but one more can't hurt'

He raised his glass and Shane lifted his, clicking the two together, and it was exactly what Shane had needed to just finally let go for a while and stop worrying about what was and what wasn't happening between them.

They hadn't been able to keep their eyes off each other all night, and there had been little moments when it had felt like there was no one else in the room. Shane looked around him now and realised they were actually the only ones in the room.. The bar had closed and the staff had all gone home.

'Well I guess you're bunkin' in wit me tonight' he said, nudging Nicky with his shoulder.

'Is that alrigh? You don't mind?' Nicky hiccoughed.

Shane ignored the question and stood up. 'Come on, m'tired'.

Minutes later Shane found himself staring at his hazy reflection in the bathroom mirror. He swayed slightly as he gripped onto the sink. He really was drunk. He staggered back into the room to find Nicky already in bed, he could see his bare arms and chest, and his t-shirt on the floor.

'Are you!?' he asked in surprise.

'No, I just took my top off. Is that ok?'

Shane gulped. 'Yeah, of course.'

He tried not to look at the half naked man in his bed as he crossed the room to the fridge. He took out a cold bottle of water and took a large swig from it before joining Nicky on the bed. He handed him the bottle and said 'I'm just gonna sleep outside the covers, in my clothes if that's alright, just like the old days' He tried to smile to cover the way his heart was practically beating out of his chest.

Nicky didn't smile back, it wasn't supposed to feel like this, this was way too hard already, so he just drank the water, put the empty bottle down on the nightstand and turned out the light.

'Ok' he said softly to the darkness. 'Night Shay'.

When they awoke in the morning Shane was wrapped around him, and the blondes head was nestled in the crook of his neck. The duvet still separated their bodies, but they had found their way to each other regardless. This time Nicky really did smile; he had missed waking up in Shane's arms.

'G'mornin' he croaked.

Shane took in their close proximity and sighed. It was inevitable they would end up like this.

'Morning Nicco.'

Nicky raised an eyebrow as he looked at him. Nicco? Shane hadn't called him by his pet name in a very long time. Perhaps it was a slip of the tongue, but then he noticed the very strange look on his friend's face. 'You Ok?' he asked.

Shane sighed again.

'Yeah,' he whispered, and then with a very uncertain look asked 'can we...just stay here like this for a little while...just like this...a...and then we can go back to reality?'

Nicky nodded as they looked at each other, both in silent understanding. They needed this moment, everything had been so tense between them since that day in Nicky's house. They allowed themselves this one moment to just give in and just be with each other. When they eventually got up and dressed to head downstairs and join the others for breakfast neither mentioned it again.


	5. Flashback 2 - 1998

After a three-and-a-half-hour train journey from Dublin, Nicky and Brian finally arrived at Sligo train Station. The journey hadn't actually seemed that long, they had both been so excited, and had spent the whole time chatting about the band and what it was going to be like living with the other lads. Nicky hoped he'd get to stay with Shane, but he soon found out he was staying with Michael. Michael was the one member he hadn't really gotten to know yet, and he had heard that he was the most likely to get cut from the band.

It actually turned out to be quite awkward staying with him. He was really nice, and his parents lovely too, but when Nicky overheard him talking about how 'the two Dublin lads' were 'really good' he felt too uncomfortable to continue living under their roof. When they all met up that night for some beers he explained to Shane how he was feeling and to his surprise Shane offered for him to stay in the apartment above his parent's café! He even made up some excuse about how it would just be easier for him and Brian to stick together, so as not to hurt Michael's feelings.

So the next morning Nicky met Shane and Brian at the cafe. His fellow Dubliner was already eating a full cooked breakfast when he arrived.

'Can I get you anything to eat love?' Shane's mother, Mae, asked.

'No thanks, I already ate at Michael's' he replied.

'Here, I'll help you up with your stuff' said Shane, as he picked up one of Nicky's bags.

Nicky followed him upstairs to the apartment.

'So you grew up here then?' Nicky asked.

'Yup, all 9 of us. I'm glad we have a bigger house now like, but it was great growing up here you know?'

The apartment was very cosy, and very homely even without all the personal belongings.

'Which room was yours?'

'We switched rooms a lot, but this one was my favourite' said Shane as he opened the door to a decent sized room. It was fairly standard, but it was the shape of the ceiling that made it unique. On either side of the window the ceiling sloped downwards in two wedges.

Shane crossed the room and opened the window. It opened right out onto the roof, looking towards the back garden.

'Come on' he said, and to Nicky's surprise he climbed up onto the window sill and out onto the roof.

Nicky hesitated only for a moment before following him, and then there they both were, sat side by side on the roof of Shane's childhood home. After they had been silent for a while Shane said 'This was my happy place. Whenever I needed some space from my very noisy home I'd come out here, shut the window behind me and just be.' He looked at Nicky then, and he seemed nervous. 'I've never shown it to anyone before, not even my own girlfriend.'

For some unknown reason this made Nicky's stomach do somersaults, it was like being in that audition room all over again. There really was something about Shane that he just couldn't figure out, but he was drawn to him.

'Thanks for showing it to me' he said quietly, nudging him with his shoulder. 'Can I stay in this room then?'

Shane was surprised. 'Yeah, of course.' Something about the idea of Nicky sleeping in his old favourite room excited him.

'Hello-o! Anyone home!?' It was Brian. 'Your Mam said just to come up.'

Shane sighed before standing up. He had been enjoying the time alone with Nicky on his rooftop. He brushed down his clothes and reached out a hand to help up his new friend. Nicky took his hand, and the moment their fingers touched he felt his breath leave him. He looked at Shane questioningly, not knowing what had caused such an intense reaction, only to find a similar look of surprise on his friend's face too.

Before either let go Shane pulled Nicky close enough to whisper 'We better go in before he discovers our secret' He was talking about the rooftop of course, but Nicky surprised himself by thinking that he might have meant something else too.

In the end Louis decided that he couldn't choose who should leave the band. He had already kicked out two members and felt bad enough as it was, so they put it down to ballot. The votes were counted in the bathroom of a pub by Graham, one of the old band members who had been made their tour manager. When Graham returned to the table he revealed the final line-up of the band: Shane, Kian, Mark, Nicky and Brian. Michael was devastated, and got up to leave right away. Kian, who was good friends with him, went to make sure he was ok, but of course he wasn't.

Nicky however was ecstatic. He'd done it, he was in the band! He grinned at Shane who was grinning right back at him. The next few minutes were a blur; Brian was pulling him into a hug, Kian high fiving him when he returned to the table, and Mark just stood up and shouted 'Drinks are on me!' Louis stayed with them for a while and then excused himself saying he had an early train back to Dublin in the morning. The celebrations went long into the night, until the bar closed and they were forced to leave. Mark and Kian took separate taxi's home, but Shane wanted to make sure that Nicky and Brian made it back to the café.

The fresh air had helped them sobre up a bit, and Shane made them all something to eat when they arrived back. By the time they'd all finished eating they were half asleep.

'You two go up. I'm gonna phone Mam and say I'm staying here tonight' Shane said.

He left a voice message on his parents house phone, and then turned to make his way upstairs. Brian had already gone up but Nicky was still sitting there.

'You Ok?' He asked

'Yeah, I just... well I'm sleeping in your favourite room and I thought that maybe you'd want to sleep there tonight. Not with me of course!' he said hurriedly 'I'd sleep in a different room.'

Images of sharing a bed with Nicky flooded Shane's mind before he could stop them.

'No, it's ok' he finally replied, 'there's plenty of other rooms I can sleep in.'

Nicky nodded, but for some reason he still didn't turn to leave, it was like he was glued to the spot.

'You coming?' Shane asked as he started towards the stairs.

Nicky shook himself and followed him up. His room was the closest, so they both stopped outside it, face to face in the hallway.

'Well, er, night Nicky. Have a good sleep.' Shane said awkwardly.

'Yeah' Nicky breathed 'You too Shane.'

Neither of them moved this time, not quite understanding that something was happening between them. Eventually Nicky bowed his head and a goofy smile spread across his face. 'Night' he said again, and he turned to enter his room.

He was awoken by the sound of footsteps outside in the hallway. Nicky checked his watch. It was 7.30am and he'd had only about 5 hours sleep, if that, but nature called so he got out of his bed to go to the bathroom. When he opened the door he literally bumped into Shane, fully dressed and about to head downstairs.

'You're up early!' Nicky said, surprised.

'Yeah, I've got to go to the stables for the horses' explained Shane.

Nicky nodded in understanding.

'Do you wanna come?' Shane asked, but before Nicky could answer he said 'No, of course you don't, you're not even dressed, forget I said anything.'

Nicky became very much aware of the fact that he was indeed undressed, he was wearing nothing but his boxers. He could feel his face heat up in a deep shade of red.

'No, I'd love to come' he said quickly, 'just let me get dressed first, yeah? I won't be long.'

Shane's face lit up. 'Ok, No problem, I'll wait downstairs.'

As Shane waited he couldn't get the image of Nicky standing in his hallway, almost naked, out of his head.

At the stables he introduced Nicky to his horses.

'And this is Carlton Clover, he's my favourite.' he said affectionately, as he stroked the horse's mane. 'Have you ever ridden before?'

Nicky shook his head and Shane grinned mischievously.

'No time like the present then' he said, wiggling his eyebrows in challenge.

Nicky was nervous, but how could he say no when Shane was looking at him like that.

'Yeah ok, I'll give it a try. Which one am I riding then?' He was trying to sound confident.

'You can ride Clover with me.' There was a cheeky glint in his eyes as he said the words, and Nicky swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry. 'Don't worry, it's how everyone starts out, just so you can get a feel for it before you're ready.'

Nicky watched as Shane retrieved two riding hats, saddled up Clover, and gave a quick demonstration of how to mount him. He made it look easy, but when Nicky tried to climb onto the horse he lost his balance before he could get his leg over. He jumped off before he could fall, and stumbled into Shane's open arms.

'You ok?' Shane asked worriedly.

'Yeah I'm fine, just embarrassed.' Nicky admitted.

'Aw, don't be Nicco, he's bigger than you think.'

'Nicco?'

'I don't know, it just sort of came out.' Shane shrugged. It was his turn to be embarrassed.

'I like it' Nicky smiled at him, and then said 'Right, let's do this.'

This time he successfully made it onto the horse. Shane quickly climbed up behind him.

'Right, you hold onto the saddle, leave the reigns to me for now' he said, wrapping his arms around the blonde to grip the reigns. Nicky could feel how close he was. 'You ready?' Shane whispered in his ear. It made him shiver as he nodded, and Shane kicked Carlton Clover lightly in the side. The horse began to walk forward and they took it very slowly until they were about half way across the field.

'How are you doing?' Shane asked him.

'Yeah, I'm good' Nicky breathed. This was exciting!

'Good. Let's kick it up a notch then' and with that he kicked the horse once more and they picked up the pace.

So far so good, thought Shane, so they went faster still. Nicky was doing great, but he could see how hard he was gripping onto the saddle. 'Just relax Nicco!' he shouted over the sound of the wind.

Nicky could hear how much Shane was enjoying this, so he tried to relax for him, and by the time they'd gone around the field three or four more times he had to admit he was actually enjoying himself.

Shane jumped off the horse first when they made it back to the stable and he held out a hand to help Nicky down. Again Nicky stumbled, catching his foot on the stirrup, and he could feel himself falling, bracing himself for contact with the hard ground. It didn't come; Shane had lost his balance too as he'd tried to catch him, and they both landed in a pile of hay. Nicky's face was red again as he tried not to look his friend in the eye, which was difficult considering he was currently sprawled on top of him.

'You alright?' Shane asked worriedly.

Nicky nodded, and finally looked down at his friend. He was about to ask if he was OK too, but somehow the words escaped him. The way the light shone in through the small skylight in the roof created a sort of spotlight on them, lighting up Shane's features. He looked beautiful.

Beautiful, did I really just think that? Nicky thought.

He'd always appreciated the male form, he'd probably had more posters of footballers than women on his bedroom walls growing up, but he'd never thought of them as beautiful.

'Er Nicky?'

Crap, he'd been so lost in his own thoughts he'd somehow forgotten that Shane was still trapped beneath him.

'Yeah?' he breathed.

'As lovely as this is, I still need to clean out the stables... and sort out the other horses...'

'Right, of course. Sorry.'

Not quite fully aware of his own movements Nicky managed to push himself off Shane and stand up, holding out his hand to Shane as he had done for him on the rooftop. He could feel his heart beating as he anticipated that spark again, and sure enough when their hands touched there it was. Now standing almost nose to nose Nicky's mind went blank. They were looking in each others eyes, still holding hands.

After what felt like a very long time, but in reality was only a few seconds Shane eventually said 'Come on, let's get this done so we can go get some breakfast.'

It was going to be strange not having Nicky and Brian around. Shane knew that they would all see each other soon. Louis had told them that morning that they were all going to London to record their first single. It was all so surreal, and happening so fast, but he couldn't have wished for a better group of friends to be embarking on this amazing journey with. Kian had been his best friend for years, they had started this journey together and he couldn't imagine doing it without him. Mark was insanely talented, the most genuine guy he'd ever met, and they'd gotten on so well over the last few years that he knew they were going to have the best time.

Brian was hilarious, and they needed someone like that in the band, he knew that if things got too tough Brian would be able to perk them all up again. And then there was Nicky. Nicky had a fantastic voice, he looked great, and when they were together there was this inexplicable spark. Shane found himself genuinely excited to see him every single day, and he was always smiling when he was around. They hadn't known each other long, but he knew that he had found a very special friend in Nicky.

'Thought I might find you out here.'

Shane turned to find Nicky climbing out of the window to join him on the roof. He smiled at the thought that Nicky was literally the only person in the world that could find him here.

'I was just thinking'

'Yeah? What about? Or is that a silly question? You were thinking about the band weren't you?'

Shane chuckled.

'Yeah. I'm so excited, I can't believe we're really doing this.'

'I know what you mean. One minute I'm a failed footballer auditioning to sing in a pub band, the next thing I know I'm on the roof of a cafe in Sligo, and I'm about to go to London with my new friends to record our first single!'

'It is a good roof' Shane laughed.

'The best' Nicky agreed, and the smile they shared warmed Shane's heart like nothing he'd ever experienced before.

'Let's make a promise' he blurted out. 'If things ever get too crazy with the band, if we ever need a time out or just some space away from it all we come right here to this rooftop.'

Nicky laughed at first, but then he realised that Shane was being serious.

'I don't live here Shay, remember?'

'No I know... I just thought that maybe we could hang out more, you know, just the two of us.'

Nicky felt like an idiot for laughing at him and apologised.

'You're not an idiot Nicco, I happen to think you're pretty amazing actually.' Shane hadn't meant to say it quite like that, but it just sort of came out.

'You do?'

'Yeah...I think we got something kinda special here, don't you? A special friendship that is' he clarified when Nicky didn't answer.

Nicky felt like he could just burst with happiness. He felt exactly the same, this new friendship did feel special. So there on that roof they both made a promise to come back to their rooftop whenever they were able to and when they felt that they needed a moment to themselves, far away from the rest of the world.


	6. Chapter 3 - July 2018

The four members of Westlife couldn't have wished for a better situation. Louis and his management team had been working hard since the decision to reunite the band, and they had just divulged some very exciting news.

'So we knew we wanted to work with Steve Mac again,' explained Louis, 'he was a key role in Westlife's career the first time round and we want our new music to be modern but have the same Westlife sound as before. We had a bit of a catch up and it turns out that Ed Sheeran has been writing some Westlife style songs with him. He's a big fan of yours is Ed. Anyways, I'm gonna play you some of the songs and you can tell me what you think. This first one is called Better Man and it's an absolute classic. Listen to this.'

Louis pressed play on his phone and the music started playing from the speakers.

The lads were immediately intrigued. It was a perfect Westlife ballad, Ed Sheeran had obviously done his homework. Everyone applauded when the song ended.

'You like it then?' their manager asked.

'It's brilliant' Nicky said, speaking for the four of them.

They were all buzzing. It really was perfect, and Ed Sheeran was massive right now. It was the perfect start to their comeback. Discussions started immediately as they all began excitedly throwing around ideas.

After a couple of hours Louis said 'Alright lads, take a break, I've got a couple more songs I want you to hear and then we should decide which one is going to be our comeback single.'

'So what do you think of the song?' Nicky asked Shane over lunch. They were all in the cafeteria in Louis' office building, gaining some very interested looks from some of the members of staff there.

'I think it's great. It's so us, and I can see the fans getting just as excited about it as we are!'

It really was clear to see how excited Shane was, and Nicky found it adorable.

'I can't wait to hear how it sounds with you singing it' he said softly.

'No, I've said before it's not just going to be the Shane and Mark show this time around, we all get a bit to sing and if Louis isn't happy with it then tough.'

Nicky's heart swelled. 'Thanks Shane, that means a lot.'

They shared a smile that gave Nicky butterflies, but the sound of someone clearing their throat caused him to look up and blush as he remembered that Kian and Mark were actually sitting at the table with them.

'Do you two need a moment?' joked Kian.

No, they did not need a moment, they had been trying to avoid these little moments, but somehow they kept creeping up on them anyway. No matter how hard they tried to ignore their feelings for one another, those feelings seemed to not want to be ignored. Nicky kept reminding himself to be more careful, that they'd made an agreement and things had to be different this time, and that night in the hotel didn't count. He looked at Shane who seemed to be thinking the same thing, and they nodded to each other in silent understanding.

A few weeks later Shane, Kian, Nicky and Mark found themselves in a recording studio together for the first time in 7 years. The excitement was palpable, and it affected everyone around them. Louis, the sound technicians, everyone was charged up and ready to go. Before the lads had arrived the rest of the team had been working hard to change up the sound of the backing track a little, to make it fit more into the Westlife sound that Louis was looking for. They huddled together as they listened to the new version and pointed out where each of them were going to sing.

Next they were each given ipads with the lyrics and followed along as they listened to the demo again. Once they were all confident with how the song went and had done a few run throughs the four singers moved round to the other side of the screen where the four microphones were set up. They all grinned at each other as they put on their headphones. It was exhilarating to be doing this again after all these years.

'It's like we never left' said Nicky, and he grinned at Shane beside him.

'You ready guys?' Louis' voice came through a speaker in the wall beside them.

They all nodded and gave thumbs up, and the short introduction music started.

You and I had something special baby

Something that you only see on movie screens, I know

Nicky was enraptured. After all these years he still got lost in Shane's voice. His voice had matured and as incredible as it had been throughout the first 14 years of Westlife there was a new, stronger tone to it that quite honestly gave him shivers.

Lately I've been missing you like crazy, o why

Why d'you let me in just to let me go?

Fuck, he really did miss him. As he listened to the man who was once the love of his life sing their brand new song Nicky realised he was in trouble, he couldn't deny it any longer, he was absolutely and completely head over heels for Shane again. What was he supposed to do now?

Everyone took a break for dinner. The lads had picked up the song really well and it was sounding great, they just needed that perfect recording and then it could be edited and tweaked. Staying at the recording studio well into the night was the norm, it's how they'd always done it. They also had a few favourite places nearby that they loved to go to for dinner.

They were on a high as they laughed and ate and had a few drinks, although they knew to stop at just a few if they wanted to get the song done. Louis was pleased to see them in such high spirits when they returned to the studio, there was so much energy and it made him so happy to see how much they were enjoying being together again. As the evening went on Louis could easily predict how the rest of the night would go, having done these late night recording sessions many many times before.

Mark was always the first to get tired, but he would never let it show and instead kicked the singing up a notch. Kian stopped messing around as much and started encouraging the other lads to get the job done with statements like 'Right lads, we got this, just one more take'. Shane and Nicky got the giggles and became very easily distracted. At one point Nicky completely forgot to come in with his line because he'd started slow dancing with Shane. Shane just about managed to come in at the chorus before the two burst into laughter, Nicky throwing an arm around his equally delirious friend while they both wiped the tears of laughter from their eyes. It took one shared look between them before they broke down again. Sometimes it seemed that the two of them were in their own little world.

Thankfully the song was nearly done. There were takes of each part that were pretty much perfect and could be easily edited together. Louis just wanted that final start to finish run-through to end the session. He made sure everything was ready on his end once the boys had calmed down and then pressed the intercom button to speak to the four lads at the other side of the screen.

Mark and Kian stopped the conversation they were having (about Shane and Nicky's obvious 'something') and stepped up to their mics, ready to sing. Shane and Nicky finally stopped laughing and with one last glance between them managed to compose themselves. It was the best take they had done, and Louis was very pleased with it.

'Alright lads, great job. I think we've got everything we need. Take the day off tomorrow while we edit it and I want you in my office first thing Thursday morning'

They didn't need telling twice. It had been a very long day, having started at the studio at 10am that morning and it was now past midnight. Shane felt incredibly tired as they made their way to the cars. Nicky had his own car and was heading home to his family, the other three had a hire car and a driver to take them back to their apartments.

'What are you guys up to tomorrow then?' Nicky asked.

'Hopefully having a really long lie and then Mark and I are going to check out that new music store.' answered Kian.

'Cool! What about you Shay?'

'Didn't really have any plans, what about you?'

'Got my radio show in the morning, and the kids have clubs on after school so they won't be home until about 5. I'll probably just chill at home, you can come hang out if you like.'

He'd spoken before he'd really had a chance to think it through, but they'd been getting on so well lately he thought that maybe there would be no harm in it. He was delighted when Shane accepted and said he'd meet him after work.

There was a little voice in the back of Shane's mind that said they shouldn't allow themselves to be alone, not when the whole ignoring the feelings thing hadn't become too big of an issue, but it wasn't loud enough to drown out the voice that told him he really wanted to go.

'That would be brilliant Nix, thank you.'

'No problem' Nicky replied, and they shared another smile that made them feel like they were the only two people in the room again.

It was becoming a serious internal battle, on the one hand they knew they couldn't give in, that they had to remain just friends this time, but on the other neither of them were blind to the way things had been between them since this whole thing had started up again. The way they were constantly laughing and joking and dare they admit it, flirting. Maybe spending the day just the two of them was going to be a terrible idea, but neither Shane nor Nicky were going to admit it.

They met up just outside the RTE radio studios and drove back to Nicky's house. When they got there Nicky made them some lunch which they ate in front of the TV. They both knew moments of peace like this were very rare when they both had a young family and demanding jobs, so they embraced it and enjoyed it, both feeling completely comfortable.

They were sharing the three-seater sofa, Shane on one end, Nicky on the other. Nicky was tired and sank further into the soft cushions, lifting his legs up onto the seat so that he was lying down, and since it wasn't quite long enough placed his feet on Shane's lap. Shane quirked an eyebrow at him.

'Is this OK?' Nicky asked.

'It's your home, sit however you like.'

That wasn't quite what Nicky had meant. After feeling so comfortable around each other the whole afternoon he was now suddenly very much aware of their close proximity, and the fact that they were alone. He couldn't stop himself from appreciating how good Shane looked today. Fuck, he'd missed being alone with him. Ignoring the feelings was not going so well on his part, recording Better Man had seen to that. He was finding himself more and more distracted by Shane every day, and it didn't even matter that Shane seemed to be keeping a much cooler head about it all. Maybe it wasn't even an issue for him? Maybe all the flirty banter that had happened between them lately wasn't what Nicky had thought. He started to feel a bit silly for reading too much into everything, but then he caught the strange look on his friend's face.

'You Ok Shay?' he asked.

Shane didn't reply, it seemed he too was lost in his thoughts, something that seemed to happen a lot.

'Shane!' Nicky called again, nudging him with his foot this time.

'Huh?'

'You OK? You were miles away.'

Shane sighed.

'Yeah, sorry Nicco. I was just thinking'

'I got that,' Nicky smiled kindly, 'about?'

'Well... about you actually' Shane admitted nervously.

'Oh?' Nicky's heart beat a little faster.

'Yeah, I was just wondering... well I mean I know we've already agreed, and I know we shouldn't, but I just... are we doing the right thing?...you know, by ignoring everything,'

Nicky was simultaneously relieved and terrified. Shane had seemed like the strong one between them yet here he was voicing his own doubts. He shook his head.

'I honestly don't know. This is way harder than I thought it was going to be.'

'Yeah, it is' Shane agreed, his voice hoarse, and there was such sadness in his eyes Nicky couldn't bare to keep looking.

Without really thinking he sat up, scooted next to him on the sofa and took his hand.

'We just need to stay strong' he said, trying to sound convincing, 'and we need to be honest with each other. I'll admit I wasn't expecting to still feel this way, but I think it's better you know that now rather than try hide it from you'

Shane couldn't believe what he was hearing. 'How is this helping?' he asked, but then he smirked to lighten the mood.

Nicky just shook his head, so Shane quickly said 'I know, you're right, I think it's taken us both by surprise. Look let's just stick to what we agreed, and I guess as long as we're honest with each other then we can help each other through.'

Neither were sure if that actually made any sense, but they couldn't deny their feelings any longer, and trying to ignore them was clearly just making it harder. At least this way they could be more aware of those little moments happening and could make a conscious effort to stop them from getting out of hand. They both agreed it was the best way forward.


	7. Flashback 3 - 1999

'London Baby!'

'Brian I swear to god if you scream that in my ear one more time...'

Nicky and Brian were at Dublin Airport, waiting on the other three lads to arrive. They hadn't seen the Sligo lads since their stay, they'd spoken on the phone to discuss arrangements, and Nicky and Shane had texted each other a few times, but that was it. Nicky was so excited to see them again, especially Shane.

The trip was going to be awesome. For most of them it was their first time on a plane, first time leaving Ireland! Having lived in Leeds while playing for Leeds United Football Club it wasn't a new experience for Nicky, but he could understand their excitement.

After what felt like hours he finally spotted the three familiar figures walking towards them, luggage in tow and massive grins on their faces.

'London Baby!' Shouted Kian once he'd approached them.

'London Baby!' Brian shouted in return.

Nicky shook his head and smiled at Shane who was much much calmer than the other two.

'You made it' he said as he gave him a quick hug and hello.

'Just' Shane replied 'He's like a bloody child' he said, motioning to the overly excited Kian.

'Well Brian can keep him company, he's doing my nut in already!'

They both laughed, and then Nicky remembered he hadn't said hi to Mark.

They hadn't been able to get 5 seats together on the plane. Mark was happy to sit by himself, far away at the opposite end of the plane from the very rowdy Kian and Brian, which left Nicky and Shane to sit together. Nicky gave Shane the window seat, and an elderly lady was sat on the other side of him.

'This is it!' Shane said, rubbing his hands together excitedly. 'We're going to be a real band!'

Nicky found his excitement adorable.

'Yes we are'

'Just imagine that we actually made it big, had loads of hits and sang on stage like all over the world. That's the dream man, the absolute dream.'

It was so clear to see how much Shane wanted this.. Music was definitely a passion of Nicky's, he loved the buzz of performing, but football had been his biggest love. He had also learned at a young age that dreams don't always come true, his failed football career had taught him that. It would be incredible if the band was successful, but Nicky told himself that if it didn't then that was OK, right now he was just going to enjoy every single moment while it lasted.

When they arrived in London it was sheer madness. Someone from the record label came to meet them, but en route to the hotel they lost Brian twice, got lost themselves once, and Kian very nearly wound up in hospital after almost getting run over by a bus, and that was after losing his passport! Eventually they all made it to the hotel in one piece. The man from the label explained that they had three rooms, and could decide amongst themselves who was sharing with whom. Unsurprisingly, they all wanted the single room.

'How are we going to decide this lads?' Kian asked.

'Scissors, paper, rock?' Nicky suggested. The other lads thought that seemed a reasonable enough suggestion. 'Ok. Scissors, paper, rock!'

The lads all put in their hands, but soon realised it was never going to work if they all did it at once because someone would always beat someone else. They tried again, this time taking it in turns as pairs. First Mark beat Brian and Nicky beat Kian, Mark then went against Shane and won again, then he beat Nicky too.

'Alright, Mark gets the single room.' Kian confirmed.

'I'm not sharing with Brian!' Nicky quickly exclaimed 'No offence mate, but I like my sleep.'

'None taken mate, Kian can share with me, you up for a party Egan?'

'Hell yeah!'

'Great' said Nicky 'looks like it's you and me then Shane'

Neither admitted it, but they were both very relieved with the outcome. That was until they checked into their room and realised there was only one double bed. There had to have been a mistake but they checked with the others and Kian and Brian's room was the same. Kian called Louis who explained that as the band hadn't made a single penny yet their budget was very low, once they'd made some money, they could upgrade their rooms but for now that was the best they could get.

That night Nicky hadn't gotten much sleep. He had been very much aware of the body curled up next to him, and he had been far too hot; usually he slept with no clothes on but given the circumstances it was hardly and option. They'd both decided to sleep in their clothes to avoid any awkwardness. Shane slept peacefully, and as he watched him now Nicky surprised himself by thinking the same thing he had that day in the stables; that he was beautiful.

He had thought about Shane a lot since Sligo, about their shared moments on the rooftop that really could only be described as intimate. What confused him the most was that it didn't frighten him to think of it like that. He knew intimacy was something you were only supposed to share with your other half, and he definitely had that with his girlfriend Georgina, but it was a different kind of intimacy with Shane; it was easy, natural, effortless, it was just there. Shane was fast becoming his best friend, they were about to start this crazy adventure together, and he just loved the thought that at the end of the day they could just be alone together in this room. It wasn't the rooftop, but it could definitely be a place to escape to when things got too much.

'Mornin' Nicco' Shane mumbled before he'd barely opened his eyes.

They'd moved closer during the night, and Nicky found himself taking in his features as he looked up and smiled at him. Those hazel puppy dog eyes that dazzled, his lips... He shook himself, he should not be thinking about Shane's lips!

'Mornin' he quickly replied.

'You sleep ok?'

'Er, not really' Nicky admitted.

'Oh, I'm sorry, did I take up too much space?'

'No, it wasn't that.'

'Well what was it then?'

Nicky's cheeks coloured a pretty shade of pink as he said 'well er, it's a bit embarrassing really but I don't usually sleep with my clothes on, like any clothes on... at all' he admitted.

With the confession Shane suddenly remembered that Nicky had slept in his old bedroom in the flat above the cafe, and not quite knowing why he was now picturing a naked Nicky in his old bed. He shook his head as if to shake away the image.

'Well er, obviously I want you to be comfortable. You could always sleep inside the covers and I can sleep on top?' he suggested.

'Wouldn't that make you uncomfortable?'

'Maybe keep your underwear on, we're only just getting to know each other, you know?' Shane replied, smirking. Nicky relaxed, Shane really was a great friend.

Any preconceptions of starting a band being an easy ride were very quickly thrown out of the window. The schedule they all had too keep right from day one was intense. It was meetings in the mornings, photo shoots in the afternoons, recording sessions in the evenings, social events, interviews, more meetings, it was never ending but the lads enjoyed every single minute of it. They made sure to have as much fun as they could in their down time while proving that they were willing to work hard for this. On the rare occasion that they didn't have an early start the next morning they would all meet up in Kian and Brian's room, get in some drinks and munchies and let their hair down.

About three weeks into their stay they were having one of their chilled out evenings after a long day in the recording studio. They had laid down the foundations of what was going to be their very first single. They wouldn't be able to release it just yet, they would have to do a hell of a lot of promotion first, but they had also found out that day that they were going on tour with Boyzone! The most important thing they had to do over the next coming weeks, besides the business side of things, was prepare a setlist for the tour, and have plenty of promo material ready. They had earned their night off, and were enjoying it immensely.

I'm never gonna say goodbye

Cos I never wanna see you cry

'You know you don't have to keep singing it Filan, right?' Brian had tried to sound annoyed, but instead he giggled and hiccuped at the same time. He'd had far too much to drink, they all had.

'It's stuck in me head!'

'I'll stick something up your bloody arse if you don't stop singing it!'

'Don't listen to him Shane, he's just jealous cos you sound better singing it than him.'

Shane blushed at Nicky's words.

'Get a room you two will ye'

Shane's blush deepened and he quickly turned away, distracting himself by opening another can of Guinness. Nicky watched him, not sure if he was reading into things or not.

Suddenly he yawned. Checking his watch he realised it was almost 2am, and they'd been in the studio from 8am that morning until well past 7 at night. They'd had a late dinner in the hotel, and spent the last 3 hours drinking.

'You know I think I will head back to my room, I'm bloody knackered' he said.

'Aw Nicky, I've just opened up a pint!' complained Shane.

'You stay and enjoy your pint, I'll be asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow anyway'

Nicky said goodnight to them all and left. He was so tired and a bit drunk that he didn't even think as he stripped off all his clothes and slipped in under the sheets. It felt amazing, and he really was asleep the second his head hit the pillow.

Shane staggered into their hotel room about half an hour later. Mark had fallen asleep on the sofa, so Kian had stolen his room key and let himself into the single room for the night. Shane tried to be as quiet as he could so as not to wake Nicky as he toed off his shoes and slipped in under the covers without putting on the light, very quickly he too was sleeping peacefully too.

When he awoke the next morning Shane felt comfortable and warm. There was a glorious heat coming from in front of him and he soon realised he must have scooted up closer to Nicky while they slept. Usually one of them would be outside of the covers, but they had both been so tired and drunk to care. He badly needed to pee so he very carefully lifted his side of the covers and slipped out. He was just getting back into bed when Nicky woke, startled.

'What are you doing?'

'Er, getting back into bed?'

'You can't come in here. I'm naked!'

Shane froze. He could feel his heart pumping as he realised he'd spent the night in bed with a naked Nicky.

'Er, bit late for that, I kind of slept in there the whole night.

Nicky was mortified. He wasn't body conscious or anything, and he thought that if it had been one of the other lads he would have just laughed it off, but for some reason with Shane it had caused a completely different reaction. A reaction he suddenly realised his body was reflecting. Shane was still half in the bed where he had froze, duvet covers still in his hands.

'Put the bloody covers down!'

Shane quickly let go of the material and stood up off the bed.

'Right, yeah of course. So er, I'm just gonna go back to the bathroom, I think I left something in there, and you can...' he motioned to Nicky on the bed 'sort yourself out'

Nicky's eyebrows flew up so high they were almost lost in his hairline.

'I mean get dressed' Shane quickly clarified.

As Shane waited in the bathroom he tried to figure out what had just happened. After everything they had shared so far they had never had a moment that had been as awkward as that, usually they would just laugh this kind of stuff off. Shane had seen Nicky in nothing but his underwear many times now, so why had the thought of him being naked make them both react differently? As far as friendships went they were now very close, and it didn't strike him as something Nicky would usually get embarrassed about. Perhaps there was something else going on? If there was Shane wanted to know about it, and so he decided he would watch Nicky more closely for a while, just in case there was.

In the next room Nicky had put on some clothes and was trying to make sense of what had just happened too. Something had changed, he'd known from the start that he and Shane shared something they didn't with the others, he knew that things could get quite intimate between them, but one thing was for sure, his body had never reacted like that! There was absolutely no denying it now, Nicky was attracted to Shane. He'd known it all along really, he'd just been too afraid to admit it, and now he couldn't let Shane know, he had to play it cool.

After about a week of constantly watching Nicky to figure out what on earth was going on between them, Shane realised that he had become obsessed. He had just been looking for some small insight into Nicky's mind, something that would explain why things had gotten weird all of a sudden. Since that morning in their hotel room the blonde had been much more reserved when they went to bed, instantly turning his back on Shane rather than relaxing and chatting for a while.

Through the day things were just the same as before, except now Shane was noticing things, little things like how Nicky would smile when they caught each other's eyes, or a tiny brush off the hand, a shared moment that was indescribable but undeniable, and becoming all too familiar. It was the way they would get so lost in whatever they were doing in those moments that they would forget about everyone else around them. There was something happening between then, something terrifying yet intriguing at the same time, and he realised that what he felt for Nicky wasn't just friendship, it was something more.


	8. Chapter 4 - August 2018

After recording Better Man the lads had been given a couple of weeks off. They still had the other two songs that Ed Sheeran had written to record, including what they had all decided would be their comeback single, Hello My Love. The song had a great, uplifting feel to it and a modern sound that they hoped would fit right in in today's charts.

For both Shane and Nicky the short break had been a relief. Being at home with their families had been just what they had needed to sort out their heads after what had become a rather intense time in Dublin. They'd gotten caught up in being back in the band, and as exciting as it had been to be making music together again, spending all that time together had quite clearly become a bigger issue than they had first anticipated.

Shane was glad they had talked it out that day in Nicky's house, there was no point in lying to themselves and to each other any more, they both still had feelings for each other and it was only making things worse trying to ignore them. They were going to stick with their decision to stay faithful to their wives, and Shane hoped as time went on it would only get easier.

They were both optimistic when they returned to the recording studio, but unfortunately things between them did not get easier as they'd hoped, it got worse. Everyone was in high spirits after their break. Recording went really well, and they all loved Hello My Love. The song was like a celebration of their reunion, and a big hello to all their fans. The lads worked hard, enjoyed themselves, and by the time recording was done a couple of weeks later they all had much to celebrate. The vibe in camp Westlife was very positive, and they were now going to be able to take time off for Christmas once they'd announced their comeback to the world.

Shane couldn't wait to get back to Sligo. He missed Gillian and the kids, and he was jealous of Nicky going home to his family every night, while he lay alone in his hotel room wishing that he was here with him instead. He knew he shouldn't be thinking like that, but after spending all day in the studio with him it had been too hard not to let his mind wander. He hadn't been able to stop himself from thinking back to all the times they had shared a hotel room, had shared a bed, had shared everything.

After their chat in Nicky's home and their time away they both became much more conscious of how they acted around each other, often cutting their conversations short or changing the subject when those little moments snuck up on them again. Sometimes they slipped up of course, but they had both tried really hard not to let it become a problem again. That should have been enough, they were fighting it just like they'd agreed, but Shane knew that the real problem was that they shouldn't have had to fight it in the first place. Their connection had always been so natural and it just felt wrong to be fighting it.

He eventually realised that the whole thing had turned on its head, that the tension between them hadn't gone away, it had morphed into something else, something sour. Now whenever those little moments happened they both just felt bad about it, and felt sad that they had to keep on fighting. Shane quite honestly felt drained, and he didn't know how enjoyable Westlife was going to be if it was going to stay like this. For now, they just had one more day to get through, and then they could go home for another short break and sort themselves out.

To celebrate the end of recording and the impending comeback announcement, Louis threw the lads a huge party. His whole team stayed to celebrate, and Gina even found a babysitter for the boys and Gia, and came along too. Everyone seemed to be having a brilliant time, laughing, drinking and dancing just like always. Shane tried to enjoy himself too, he really did, but he had barely spoken to Nicky for days now, and with Gina there he had no chance of speaking to him tonight. He tried to convince himself that it didn't bother him, and he was doing a good job of fooling himself until Kian brought it up.

'You OK mate?' Kian asked as he approached him.

Shane had been in another world and looked up questioningly.

'You've seemed down lately, is everything alright?' he asked again.

Shane cleared his throat to speak. 'Yeah, I'm fine' he lied.

'We're going home tomorrow!' Kian reminded him, trying to cheer him up.

Shane smiled half hardheartedly, and gave it all away when he involuntarily glanced at Nicky.

'Ah, Nicky. You two have seemed a bit off lately'

'Off how?' Shane asked before he could stop himself.

'Just, not your usual selves. I thought you guys had talked it out?'

'We did! We're er, trying to do the right thing' he explained.

'The right thing for who?'

The question really struck Shane. The answer was of course for their wives and families.

'I know you've gotta put your family first, and obviously I don't want you to do anything that would hurt my cousin, but just remember that the band is your family too. Just think about this long term, you and Nicky have barely spoken to each other these past few weeks, but this is only the beginning, we haven't even released our first single yet! What happens after Christmas? What happens when we go on tour?' Kian had always been the thinker of the group, and it appeared nothing had changed.

'Are you saying we should...?'

'No, that's up to you'

Shane shook his head. 'He won't listen to me anyway, you said yourself we've barely been talking.' There was bitterness in his voice, aided by the alcohol and the fact that he was finally talking about this openly with someone.

'Want me to talk to him?'

'I dunno, maybe? I guess it can't hurt'

Moments later Shane watched as Kian took Nicky aside and Gina excused herself. He felt nervous, and even more so when Nicky turned to look at him questioningly. He couldn't bring himself to stay and watch, he needed to get out of there. Grabbing his jacket he rushed towards the door. Mark stopped him to ask where he was going, he explained that he'd drank too much, didn't feel well and wanted to go back to the hotel. He made it downstairs and was just about to push open the front door when Nicky called his name from behind.

'You were just going to leave? Without even saying goodbye!?' He sounded hurt and angry and Shane couldn't bear it.

'I just thought it best if I slipped away' he explained without turning round.

'What happened to talking about it Shay? Or was that all just bullshit?' It was clear that Nicky was drunk. Shane's head hurt, and he didn't want to fight.

'No, of course not, I'm trying my best OK?'

'No, it's not OK, this sucks. You're best isn't good enough.'

Shane felt as if he had been punched in the gut. He knew that Nicky was drunk, that he didn't mean it and he should just turn and leave, but something compelled him to stay, something boiled up inside him.

'You know what Nicky? You suck!' he shouted, finally turning round to face him. 'If it was bothering you that much you could have talked to me, but it doesn't bother you does it? Because you're at home with your family and you don't give a flying fuck that I'm on my own in that hotel room, fighting a losing battle all on my own. You want me to talk to you about it? Fine, I quit!'

'You quit the band!?' Nicky exclaimed, terrified.

'Not the band you eejit. US! I quit us! I've had enough of this shit. I can't keep fighting. It's clear that you and I can't be friends, this thing between us has turned sour, and I'm just done with it.'

He turned to leave, his hand on the door handle when Nicky called 'I never took you for a quitter Shane. You really do suck.'

In his hotel room Shane sat on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands and fighting back tears. Why did he have to snap like that? He could have just turned and left! And now he'd ruined everything. Nicky was never going to speak to him again, he'd lost him for good and it would be all his fault if it ruined the band. He'd completely fucked up, and it was too late to fix it, he'd be leaving for Sligo in the morning. A sob escaped as he gave in and let the tears fall. The last thing he had wanted to do was hurt Nicky, but he had done it anyway. What were they supposed to do now? They'd tried ignoring it, they'd tried facing it and fighting it, the way Shane saw it they had only two options; give up or give in, and the latter was not an option.

He had no idea how long he'd sat there, too numb to feel the tears anymore, when there came a knock at the door.

Assuming it was Kian come to check up on him he called 'I'm fine Kian, I'll see you in the morning.'

'It's me' came an all too familiar voice in reply 'please let me in'

Shane didn't move, so Nicky spoke through the door again. 'Please Shane, just let me talk to you, you... you can't leave like this.'

Hearing the hurt in his voice was too much, and he found himself standing up and making his way to the door. When he pulled it open there was Nicky, breathless and red eyed. Shane realised he must have ran up the 6 flights of stairs, rather than take the lift.

'You don't suck, please just let me come in'

Shane stood aside without saying a word and Nicky stepped into the room, shutting the door behind him.

'I'm so sorry' said Nicky, as he turned to face him 'I didn't mean it, you don't suck, I suck.' Still Shane said nothing. 'But you were wrong.'

Really? Shane thought, He's come to apologise, and he's saying I'm wrong? Anger flared, Nicky could see his reaction but he powered on. 'You were wrong when you said that I don't care that you're here on your own. Of course I care, every evening I watch you leave and I know that I can't go with you. How can I say to Gina I know we won't have a lot of time together once Westlife really takes off again, but actually I'd rather be with Shane right now.'

Finally Shane looked up at him. 'Would you rather be here with me?'

'Yes' Nicky said instantly, and then he shook his head. 'I know, I shouldn't say that, I know we're doing everything we can to avoid this but it's just so fucking hard. I hate fighting this, I hate what it's doing to us'

Shane sighed and let his head fall. 'I hate it too, but I don't know what else we can do'

'I don't know either. Just, don't give up on me, please, I couldn't bare it if we weren't friends anymore' There was desperation in his voice and without really thinking Shane wrapped him in his arms, holding him in a tight hug.

'I just don't know what to do' he said again into Nicky's neck. 'I think about you all the time, about how things used to be, I know I shouldn't and how unfair this all is to Gillian and Gina. I know what we agreed and that we've been trying to fight it but I just... I don't want to fight anymore.'

Nicky was silent for a short while as they stood there holding each other, then he let out a small chuckle. Shane pulled away slightly to look at him questioningly.

'What's so funny?' he asked.

'I don't wanna fight no more' Nicky began to sing.

'I forgot what we were fighting for'

'Really Nicco?' Shane asked, a small smile playing on his lips.

The smile drew Nicky's attention and he involuntarily glanced down. This did not go unnoticed by Shane and he felt the fire begin to stir in the pit of his stomach. He suddenly realised how close they were, their arms still wrapped around each other. Just don't kiss him and you'll be fine he told himself, but something had switched, the atmosphere had changed, they were being involuntarily drawn to one another, and while his mind was screaming at him not to do it the moment their lips touched it was like fireworks.

The kiss was uncertain at first, as if neither of them knew if they should pull away or not, but it quickly deepened as Shane tightened his hold of Nicky and the blonde tangled his fingers in his hair. It appeared that they had made their decision; they had given in to their desires just as they had done all those years ago. Breathless they pulled apart. Nicky smirked, grabbed Shane by the front of the shirt and pulled him to the bed.


	9. Flashback 4 - April 1999

Shane, Kian, Nicky, Brian and Mark all huddled nervously around the radio, waiting for this week's UK charts number 1 announcement. After a lot of very hard work promoting their debut single Swear It Again, it had finally been released. The midweek updates had looked very promising and they'd been told they were going to be number 1! but they wouldn't believe it and still doubted themselves, thinking that perhaps they hadn't even placed at all.

As soon as the radio played the opening piano introduction the room erupted. Everyone jumped up, cheering, crying and hugging each other all at once. Once Shane had hugged each of the lads in turn he pulled out his phone to call his Mum.

'Hi Mam? We're number 1!'

Mae screamed down the phone at him.

The celebrations started immediately. While everyone was still hugging and congratulating each other they were each being handed a glass of champagne. Before Shane even realised the time 4 hours had passed and he finally took a quiet moment to himself to try and take it all in. Standing by the window he looked outside and thought to himself We're number 1 out there, we're number 1 over there, and over there too! He couldn't quite believe this was actually happening.

'Looks like all your dreams are coming true'

Shane turned around and accepted the full glass Nicky offered him and smiled warmly.

'Ah who knows what'll happen next, maybe we'll be a one hit wonder. I wish I could bottle this feeling though. We actually did it, we recorded a song and people like it!'

'They don't just like it' said Nicky 'they love it! We're number 1!' He shouted the last line loudly and everyone in the room cheered. Shane shook his head and laughed.

'We're a long way away from the rooftop now' he said quietly, smiling at Nicky fondly.

Around 4.30am Shane and Nicky eventually stumbled into their hotel room, staggering and leaning on each other for support. Their security had ensured everyone had made it back to the hotel in one piece, and then left them to it. As Shane collapsed onto the bed, he smiled as he remembered dancing with Nicky hours before. What a night they had had! So much excitement; everyone celebrating, dancing and drinking.

Nicky quickly nipped to the bathroom and when he came back started to undress for bed.

'Keep em on' Shane instructed.

Nicky raised an eyebrow questioningly.

'If you take 'em off' Shane slurred, 'you 'ave to get in the covers,' he explained with a hiccup. 'Jus come lie down.'

Shane patted the bed beside him and looked up at Nicky with his puppy dog eyes, wanting him to lie down but afraid that he'd just made things awkward.

To his relief Nicky smiled a goofy smile and lay down on the bed beside him.

'Better?' he asked as he turned to face his friend.

'Much better' Shane said with a sigh.

They lay like that for some time, both drunk and tired, but both suddenly very much awake.

'Did you notice the room number?' Nicky finally asked him.

Shane grinned and replied 'you noticed too then'.

They were in the exact same room in the exact same hotel that they had first shared on their first trip to London one year ago. They supposed that now they had a number 1 hit they'd get their own hotel rooms. Both seemed to realise this and that this could potentially be their last night sharing a room together.

'This was our rooftop' Shane said, smiling.

'Yeah it was, we had some great times in here'

Shane blushed, he couldn't stop himself thinking about how close they had become in this room. Their friendship had blossomed with all the time they had spent together, and in the end both had eventually admitted to themselves that what they shared had become something more. They had both become aware of those intimate little moments that had started way back in Sligo, and were now a consistent part of their relationship.

Since that first awkward morning after Shane had unknowingly slept beside a naked Nicky, and they had both realised their true feelings for each other, those little moments had become a frequent occurrence. Most of the time their intimate friendship was so natural they didn't even notice it. Other times it became quite intense, it would feel like there was no one else in the room, and they would start thinking about things two friends who had girlfriends shouldn't be thinking about each other.

Whenever Shane had those thoughts he felt guilty. Gillian would be devastated if she knew he was thinking about his best friend in that way, but once he had finally allowed himself to wonder what it would be like to just give in and kiss Nicky, the guilt wasn't enough to stop it. It was like his body was taking over and now when the two were alone it became a struggle not to just push himself against him, just to see what it felt like.

'You ok?'

Nicky was watching his friend worriedly. He had noticed the changes in Shane recently, the guilty look he would sometimes get when they were together. He told himself that everything was fine, but as he looked at his friend now he could see that same expression on his face. Was it possible that he knew how Nicky felt about him? About how much he wanted him? Was that why he didn't want him to get undressed? Had he ruined their friendship and at any moment Shane was going to push him away?

But Shane didn't push him away, instead he sighed.

'I'm fine. What about you? You look worried' and then lifting an arm in invitation he added 'need a hug?'

A hug sounded lovely so Nicky nodded and scooted closer to him on the bed as Shane wrapped him in his arms. He let his head rest on his shoulder and this time it was he who let out the sigh.

'This is nice' he whispered.

'Yeah' Shane agreed, and he kissed him lightly on the head.

That tiny gesture, that small display of affection was like someone had flicked on a switch. All of a sudden the atmosphere in the room changed. Nicky could feel Shane's heartbeat begin to race beneath him, and it caused his own breath to quicken as he felt a fire begin to stir inside. He could feel himself being pulled towards the man below him, like two magnets he felt like he had no control of his body. Was he imagining things or was Shane angling for a kiss?

Their faces were almost touching as Nicky lay in his arms, and seemed to be getting closer still. Just don't look up he told himself, again and again as he felt himself doing just that. He couldn't have stopped himself even if he had tried, his head tilting up ever so slightly, his eyes now level with Shane's lips. Don't do it Nick he told himself again, but it seemed that those lips were somehow closer than before, and were now leaning in at the same time he was tilting his head even further back, and then both pairs of lips were tentatively touching as Shane and Nicky finally gave in to the inevitable and shared their first kiss.

It was electric. It was everything that Nicky had imagined kissing Shane would feel like and more. His lips were so soft and as Shane kissed him back he felt he could cry. Every moment they had shared together, from Nicky's first audition when he had been drawn to the young man at the end of the table, to their celebratory dance tonight had led to this, and it was glorious. He felt validated, like every inappropriate thought he'd battled with had been for a reason, because Shane Filan was kissing him back.

The kiss deepened when Nicky pulled him closer, and he couldn't stop the moan that escaped when Shane's tongue began to slide against his. Their bodies tingled with adrenaline as they tangled together, arms and legs and tongues intertwined. Nicky was sure he had never been more turned on in his entire life. He didn't want to scare Shane off, but as the passionate kiss continued he began to lose control. He felt his hips begin to grind slowly against Shane's. Shane sucked in a breath when he felt Nicky's hard cock against him.

'Is this... ok?' Nicky whispered breathlessly.

Shane looked at him, the first time they had shared eye contact since the kiss had begun. His hazel eyes were dark with lust, like pools of melted chocolate, and he gently nodded. It was all that Nicky needed. Threading his fingers through the soft brown hair he pulled him in for a crushing, passionate kiss. This time there was more urgency than before as they both moved together. Shane let his hands explore Nicky's body, his fingers caressing as they travelled down his arms, across his chest, and up the back of his legs to rest on his bum. Nicky smirked when he felt Shane give it a little squeeze and Shane grinned right back at him.

There was no stopping this now, they had wanted it for far too long. They still felt nervous and a little guilty but it was too late to turn back. Embracing the moment Shane wrapped his arms around him and pulled him fully on top of him. Nicky looked down as their confined cocks twitched against each other.

'I've er...never done this before...with another man I mean' he said nervously.

'Neither have I' replied Shane 'but I have thought about it...a lot...with you'

Nicky swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry. To hear Shane admit to thinking about him in that way, it felt amazing.

'But if you feel uncomfortable, we can stop.'

Nicky shook his head 'I don't want to stop, but same to you, if you feel uncomfortable I mean' and then with a smile he added 'I've thought about it a lot too, for quite some time actually'

Finally everything made sense. In that moment all they knew was each other; Westlife, their girlfriends, all of it was forgotten. Nicky let out a breath as he closed his eyes and leaned in to kiss Shane tenderly. He was his, or at least he was for tonight. Not wanting to waste a single second more he began to place gentle butterfly kisses along Shane's jaw. Tilting back his head for better access Shane let out a moan as Nicky continued to kiss and suck at the soft exposed skin, arching his back slightly as both of their bodies reacted to the sound.

Pulling at Nicky's hair he brought him back for a fierce kiss and began to tug at the hem of his t-shirt. Nicky took the hint, and with one last peck on the lips he sat up, effectively straddling the man beneath him as he pulled the garment off. Shane removed his too and then let his hands roam over the tight muscles of Nicky's bare chest, his fingertips brushing gentle over his nipples and causing the blonde to gasp. It was nothing they hadn't seen before, but this was very very different. Nicky couldn't take his eyes off of the gorgeous man below him, and thought the same thing he had that day in the barn when he had landed on top of him: he was beautiful. He too took the time to explore Shane's body, seeing the reaction he was causing as his hands travelled further and further south. They came to rest at the top of Shane's jeans, and he quirked an eyebrow in question. Shane nodded, so with trembling fingers he undid the button and zip, lifting his own hips so that he could pull them down. He could see the shape of Shane's cock beneath the thin black boxers, hard and already leaking. Fuck, he had never felt more turned on in his life. Licking his lips he trailed his fingers up the inside of Shane's bare thigh, slowly, teasingly.

Shane felt like he could explode at any moment, the soft teasing touches were driving him insane, his hips arching, demanding attention. Finally Nicky reached his goal and Shane cried out when he gave his cock a squeeze. The blonde smirked, loving the reaction he was causing and continued to rub him through the fabric. After just a few strokes Shane grabbed his wrist to stop him, panting.

'Keep doin' that and I'll be finished before you've got the rest of your clothes off!'

'Well we can't have that' Nicky replied with a wink, and he climbed off of so that he could remove his own clothes, all of them. Shane just stared at him, surprised at his boldness. 'What? Clothes are off, now we can continue' he grinned.

'Uhuh' was all that Shane could say. Nicky was gorgeous, he had imagined what he would look like naked so many times since he found out he slept with no clothes on, but to see the real thing beside him was mouthwatering.

'Can I take off the rest of yours?' Nicky asked.

Shane nodded, distracted by the view before him, and it didn't really click what he had just agreed to until he felt Nicky's hands on him again.

'You're beautiful' he heard Nicky say, and watched him blush when he added 'it feels good to say that out loud'

Shane reached for him and whispered 'come here' as he pulled him back down for another passionate kiss, their naked bodies finally fitting together perfectly for the very first time. It was incredible and they just couldn't get enough. Nicky kissed Shane's neck again, remembering the reaction it had caused earlier. 'Nicco' he panted, arching his body, and when Nicky pushed back into him the feel of their cock's rubbing together caused them both to moan aloud. The feeling was sensational as they worked up a rhythm, sliding together, their bodies on fire.

'Nicco' Shane panted again, a warning this time, and Nicky caught the look in his eye that said Shane was close.

Seeing him like that, knowing that he was causing it was more than Nicky could take. They were both ready to be pushed over the edge. Resting his forehead on Shane's he reached down and wrapped his hand around both of their straining cocks.

'Fuck' Shane cried out, thrusting his hips, unable to stop now.

Lifting his head to take him all in Nicky crashed their lips together in a bruising kiss, his hand still working down below. The sound of their moans echoed throughout the room, louder and louder as they both neared the end.

It was Shane that got there first; his back arching off the bed once again, his head thrown back as he came hard. Nicky followed quickly after, riding out his orgasm until he was spent and collapsing on top of him. They stayed like that for some time, until Shane brushed a hand gently through Nicky's hair. The blonde looked up and smiled warmly.

'Well that changes things a bit' he said.

Internally he was terrified that he had ruined everything, that the band was never going to be the same again, but to his relief Shane was smiling when he replied with 'yeah, it does'

They knew they had a lot to talk about, what this meant for the both of them, their girlfriends, and the band, but for now they were just going to enjoy the moment. They didn't even know if it would ever happen again or if this was just a one of thing. Even if it was they both knew they would remember this day forever, the day they became number 1, and the day they finally gave in to their desires.


	10. Chapter 5 - October 2018

The Westlife lads could not believe the response they were getting to their comeback. After an outstanding reaction to the announcement which they had made after their short break, they had gone full steam ahead with the release of their comeback tour; The Twenty Tour. Literally from the moment the presale started Ticketmaster had gone crazy. When they were told that the Croke Park date had sold out they were in shock. They'd honestly had no idea if their fans were still around, if people would still want to see them after 6 years away, but the numbers made it perfectly clear. Westlife were indeed back!

As everyone's partners were in Dublin, Nicky and Gina threw a big celebration in their house. A good few members of the management team joined them, and Rocco, Jay and Gia had gone to stay with their grandparents. A good few hours into the party Shane was in the kitchen alone, pouring himself another drink.

'Can you believe this is actually happening? It feels just like it did when we first started out.'

Shane turned to see Nicky walking towards him, staggering slightly and grinning at him with a glint in his eyes.

'Yeah it does' Shane agreed, but watching Nicky now he knew he wasn't just talking about the excitement of the tour, he meant what was going on between the both of them too.

It had only been two months since they had given in and their relationship had become what it had been all those years ago. Since then they had shared a few nights together whenever Shane had had to stay in Dublin for work. They had enjoyed every single moment of rediscovering each other, and if things had been intense before, it was nothing compared to now. After so long without each other it really did feel like it had in the beginning. They were excited and nervous, and both completely head over heels with each other again.

Nicky walked right up to Shane and whispered in his ear 'It's just like the good old days'

Shane's entire body tingled as he met his eyes.

Just then the door swung open and Gillian walked in, her eyes growing wide as she witnessed the two men jump apart.

'Not interrupting am I?' She asked.

She looked suspiciously between the two of them.

Shane quickly shook himself. 'Of course not Babe, we were just talking about the tour'

'Ahuh' she replied. 'Shall we head back into the living room then? Got your drink?'

Nicky watched Shane follow his wife out the room and sighed. Why did it still hurt so much to see Shane walk out like that when his own Wife was in the next room too? Why was he so jealous when he was in the exact same situation? After pouring himself another drink he downed it in one, refilled it again and went to join the others.

It was well into the small hours of the morning by the time most of the guests had gone home. All that was left was Nicky, Gina, Shane, Gillian, and three other friends. Kian, Jodi, Mark and Cailean had already left along with everyone else. The three friends left shortly after and Shane sighed.

'Well, I suppose we better head too,' he said.

'You don't have to' Nicky responded quickly, and then noticing that everyone was staring at him he added 'I mean, you and Gillian are welcome to stay here, if you like.'

The girls did not miss the look that was shared between the two men. They had both become quite suspicious of their husbands' relationship recently, knowing full well what they had been to each other the first time around. Shane and Nicky's wives had first realised something was going on between their partners back when they were recording their first ever album. They had come to the conclusion that if they were together when on the road then they wouldn't be bringing random girls back to their hotels instead. They both understood that men have needs and had laid down the ground rules that it was only for when neither Gillian nor Gina were there. The two girls were the best of friends, and over time it had built a strong relationship between the four of them.

The way the two men had been around each other tonight had not gone unnoticed, and the girls had guessed what it meant. They had decided they would confront them and now that Nicky had offered for Shane and Gillian to stay the night it was the perfect time.

'That would be great' Gillian accepted the offer. 'Gina, shall we go get some more drinks then? You guys go on into the living room'

With a quizzical look Shane nodded and followed Nicky into the room.

'Do you think they know?' he whispered to him as they sat side by side on the sofa.

'I don't know, do you think we should tell them?'

'I don't know!'

'Let's just see what they say.'

The ladies joined them a moment later and handed them their drinks. They sat on the sofa opposite them and there was a slight awkward silence. The look in each of their eyes said everything they needed to know; the girls that they thought they knew what was going on, the boys that they were right.

It was Shane who spoke first, looking directly at Gillian.

'So er, you don't mind us staying here tonight then?' he asked.

'No of course not, it's been a while since we all hung out, just the four of us, you know, just like old times.' The way she emphasised the last part made Shane nervous and he swallowed, 'and besides, it would be rude of me to keep you all to myself'

'Well er, I am your husband' Shane said.

'That is very true' Gillian smiled, 'and as my Husband you would tell me if something was going on right? Something just like the old times?'

This was it, this was the moment to come clean, but the words stuck in his throat and he looked at Nicky helplessly.

Gina spoke up. 'Nicky? Is there something you guys want to tell us? Because if there is then now's the time.'

'Yeah, well I er, I mean we... we don't want to hurt you guys...'

'Hiding anything from us would hurt us, telling the truth won't' Gillian said calmly, and then she added 'if things between you two are the same as before then we need to know.'

The look the two band members shared confirmed everything. The girls were both prepared for the answer, for their suspicions to be confirmed, but when they both nodded it still hurt.

'We thought as much' Gina finally said, 'it was actually pretty obvious'

Shane felt the guilt fill him until he was fighting back tears. It wasn't just what Gillian would be feeling that was hurting him so much, it was knowing that if she said they had to stop, he knew that he wouldn't be able to. Head bowed he felt her hand rest on his knee and he looked up.

'Is it me you're crying for, or him?'

'Both' he admitted.

Sitting herself down on his lap Gillian took his face in both of her hands. 'I love you Shane, you know I do, and I've always done whatever I can to make you happy. I know how much being with Nicky helped you through tough times in Westlife before, and if you can both promise that the same rules apply, then Gina and I are ok with it.'

'You are?' Nicky asked, surprised.

Gina was smiling but there was a conflicted look in her eyes. 'We both guessed it was already happening again, and we've talked about it and as Gill says we're good if you stick to the rules. We're not gonna lie, we would much rather have you to ourselves, but we know we can't always be there and we know how much of a comfort you are to each other'

Neither Shane or Nicky could believe what they were hearing, they were being given permission to continue their relationship! Granted the girls didn't know just how deep their feelings were for each other, in fact the two men hadn't fully admitted to each other just how deep those feelings still were, but this was a huge relief, now they didn't have to feel so guilty.

'Are you sure?' Shane asked, looking at his own Wife first and then to Nicky's.

The girls nodded 'We're both sure' said Gillian.

Finally Shane allowed himself to look at Nicky and neither could stop the smiles that spread across their faces. 'Thank you' he breathed as he turned back to his wife, 'Gillian thank you, I tried to fight it for so long, honestly we both did.'

'It's ok, I believe you. We can talk about it more later but I think maybe you two might need a moment alone, yeah?'

Gillian climbed off her husband's lap and stood up. Gina stood too, and leaning towards Nicky she brought her lips to his forehead and kissed him gently. 'I love you so much' she whispered. Nicky closed his eyes.

'I love you too' he replied.

They both watched as the girls left the room and shut the door behind them.

Shane swallowed nervously as he turned back towards Nicky.

'Well, how about that then?'

Nicky half laughed and half sobbed with relief. 'Come here' he said, opening his arms.

Shane scooted closer, letting his lover wrap him in his arms and hugged him back, his head rested on the blonde's shoulder as he breathed him in. 'God I love you so much,' he said. He hadn't meant to say it, they didn't usually say things like that, but he was feeling overwhelmed and it just sort of came out.

Nicky's hold of him tightened. 'I love you too Shane' he replied, and kissed him on the head.

Loosening their embrace slightly they looked at each other. 'I still feel bad' Shane admitted, 'the girls think this is just about comforting each other, but we both know it's not'

'They know we mean more to each other than that'

'Do they though?'

'Yes, I think they do, and they know that we still love them and that they'll always be our Wives and our first loves'

Shane didn't seem convinced, so Nicky tucked his fingers under his chin and brought him in for a very gentle kiss. Shane sighed as the soft lips caressed his own.

'See?' Nicky whispered, 'that wasn't so hard, and we don't ever have to hide it from them again.'

'Ever? Isn't this just for when we're with Westlife?'

'Is that all you want it to be?'

'No' Shane admitted.

'Let's just cross that bridge when we come to it' said Nicky.

There wasn't really anything left to say. Everything was out in the open now, and when the two girls returned they found their husbands sat together, holding one another in a tight embrace.


	11. Flashback 5 Pt1 - 1999

Recording their debut album was simultaneously the most exciting and most terrifying thing the five Westlife lads had done in their career so far. Everyone wanted this album to be perfect. Song choice was everything, and they all worked their socks off laying down the best vocals they could. It was a stupidly busy time, most of it spent in London, and by the time the album was due to be released in November the band already had 3 number 1s!

After Shane and Nicky's first time together, when Swear It Again had gone to number 1 and they had both finally given in to their desires, Nicky was all that Shane had been able to think about. They both worried that things might get weird between them, or that somehow the others would know what was going on, but it turned out not to be the case. To everyone else everything seemed perfectly normal, and that the pair were just goofing around like they always did, perhaps a little more touchy feely than usual but with those two no one really thought much of it anymore.

What Shane did feel was guilt, he dreaded to think what would happen if Gillian ever found out about them, but at the same time he couldn't deny his feelings any longer. What he now shared with Nicky was more than just attraction, curiosity or fulfilling needs, Nicky meant something so much more than that. Neither of them ever talked about it, partly because it wasn't something that men talked about, and partly because they were too afraid to admit it out loud, knowing what it would mean.

After a particularly tiresome five days straight of recording the lads were finally given two days off. They wanted to fly home to Ireland to see their loved ones, but they had been told to stay in case of emergency, and so Shane and Nicky's girlfriends were coming to stay in London for the weekend instead. They weren't due to arrive until the following afternoon, so the lads all decided to have an 'everyone gets drunk in Kian and Brian's room' evening.

'Hey'

Shane looked up to find Nicky taking the seat beside him on the sofa, smiling warmly at him. God, he loved when he smiled at him like that. His attention was immediately drawn to those soft lips, which apparently did not go unnoticed as that smile turned into a smirk.

'Another beer?' Nicky asked.

Shane nodded and watched as his friend/lover got back up. He was too busy staring at the blonde's perfect little bum as he walked away that he didn't notice Kian take the now vacant seat beside him.

'You must be excited to see Gill tomorrow' Kian said to him.

'What? Oh, yeah, can't wait' Shane smiled, although his eyes were still on Nicky.

Kian's followed his gaze. Contrary to what Shane believed Kian had noticed there was something strange between his band mates. He didn't know what it was, but there was definitely something. Usually when he mentioned his cousin's name Shane's eyes would light up with excitement, but right now they seemed glued to Nicky.

'You got plans for the weekend off?' he tried again.

'Mm, not really' Shane replied absently. His smile had widened as Nicky was returning with his beer. As their fingers met on the bottle, they lingered just a moment too long and Kian cleared his throat.

'I was just asking Shane about the weekend' he explained. 'Gina's coming too isn't she?'

Nicky, clearly holding himself together far better than Shane was, turned to face their friend and replied 'Yeah she is, she's flying over with Gill tomorrow, they should get here about lunch time.'

To Shane the night seemed to drag on and on and on, no matter how many more bottles of beer he had, every time he checked his watch only 5, 10 or 15 minutes would have passed. Everyone kept saying he was obviously just excited to see his girlfriend the next day, and he went with that, but they had the wrong blonde. It was Nicky he needed right now.

As he crouched down at the mini bar to pull out yet another drink his head spun. Fuck, he was drunk. Deciding enough was enough he shut the door and stood up a little too quickly. Dizzy, he staggered slightly and found himself leaning against something warm and soft with an all too familiar smell.

'Mm, you smell good Nix' he mumbled, just loud enough for him to hear.

Nicky blushed, but kept his arms around him.

'Alright Filan,' he said loudly, 'I think you've had enough.' The others all laughed and agreed. 'I should get him to bed' he said to the room.

'Ooh yes please' Shane whispered.

Nicky tried to hide his smile as he said goodnight to everyone, and helped Shane to the door.

As soon as the door to their own room was closed behind them he pushed Nicky against it, instantly devouring his lips.

'Been thinking about you all night' he said between kisses. 'Bout what I want to do to you'

Nicky moaned into the kiss and grabbed the back of Shane's head to pull him in closer still.

Shane's hips bucked as their tongues tangled. Nicky tasted as good as he smelt and he just couldn't get enough. Grabbing him by the jumper he pulled him towards the bed, lips still locked. He let his fingers creep beneath the soft green fabric to brush against the smooth skin beneath, and felt Nicky shiver. As Shane's legs collided with the bed behind him he took the jumper and the shirt beneath off to reveal Nicky's gorgeous body. Shane just couldn't get enough as he ran his fingers over him.

Using Shane's distraction to take charge Nicky pushed him down on the bed and climbed on top, straddling him to keep him in place. Shane looked up at him with dark lust filled eyes.

'Want you' he croaked, as he thrust his hips up.

Nicky could feel exactly just how much Shane wanted him. He ground down to show him how much he wanted it too before reaching out and removing Shane's t-shirt. He went straight for his neck, kissing and nibbling at the sensitive skin. Shane moaned, feeling far too constricted in his tight jeans but unable to do anything with Nicky pinning him down. He began to grind his hips, desperate for friction. Nicky grinned mischievously as he took his time to kiss his way down Shane's body, onto his firm chest and further still, all the while keeping him in place with strong thighs.

When he eventually reached his target he placed one lingering kiss on the large bulge at the front of Shane's jeans. Shane cried out, lifting his hips again to press against Nicky. Nicky loved when Shane got desperate like this; so far the Sligo lad seemed to prefer to be in control, but tonight it appeared he was far too drunk and too horny to care, and Nicky was most definitely going to take advantage of it. Ever so slowly he undid the button and zip and pulled off the jeans. He gave Shane's cock a good squeeze before removing his underwear too. Now Nicky had him just where he wanted him: on his back, completely naked, and completely his.

Shane cried out when he was suddenly engulfed in the wet heat of Nicky's mouth. It felt incredible, and his lover had learned very quickly just how he liked it. Very soon he was gripping the sheets.

'Fuck, Nicco, Stop... 's too soon' he panted.

Nicky did as he was told and grinned up at him, pleased with his work. Shane reached for him and tugged at him to come back up onto the bed, but then he changed his mind and stopped him.

'Take your clothes off first,' he ordered. Nicky didn't need telling twice as he quickly stripped off the rest of his clothes and climbed back onto the bed, bypassing Shane completely to lie down instead, his head rested on the soft pillows.

'You not joining me?' he asked.

Shane was quick to move up the bed and wrap himself in his lover's arms, legs entangled as they kissed passionately. Very soon they were both breathless again. Nicky groaned when one hand finally wrapped around his hard length and their kisses became more desperate. He could feel Shane's own cock prodding at his entrance as they moved together and he found himself already pushing back for more.

With one hand continuing its lazy strokes Shane reached around with the other and began to trail one finger gently where his cock had just been, Nicky whimpering and instantly seeking more. The roles had reversed and it was now Shane that was back in control, and Nicky who was panting helplessly. Shane smiled into their kiss before he pulled away.

'I'll be right back, baby' he whispered, and got up to walk over to his suitcase.

He returned to the bed with a condom and a bottle of lube. He was still holding the items when Nicky grabbed him, kissed him fiercely and then gasped in anticipation when he heard the bottle cap pop open.

Shane pulled away long enough to squirt some of the gel like liquid onto his fingers, Nicky watching him intently, still breathing hard as the brunette's soft lips curved into a gentle smile. Shane pushed him gently to lie back and he complied, bending his knees to allows access.

'Oh!' he cried when the wet digit came in contact with him.

Shane was gentle and slow, just making small circles at first before pushing gently in. Nicky knew he was just being careful but already it wasn't enough, he needed more. When he started moving his hips forward and back, forward and back, thrusts getting stronger each time, Shane added another finger... and another.

Nicky's eyes were tightly shut, mouth open as he panted, sweat beginning to form on his forehead. Shane thought it was the sexiest thing he had ever seen as Nicky fucked himself on his fingers. Without warning he removed his hand and Nicky cried out, whimpering.

'Shane' he said, reaching out for him.

Shane leaned down and kissed him.

'You OK?' he asked with concern.

'Never better' Nicky replied honestly.

'Good'

Shane's smile was so warm, so genuine and Nicky felt like he could just burst with the love he felt for him. He needed to show him, he needed to make him see what he meant to him, what this thing they now shared meant to him.

Taking control again Nicky pushed at his shoulder to guide him gently down, kissing him passionately as he climbed on top just like before. In that moment, with the way Shane looked up at him with intense dark eyes that were only for him, he wanted to say I Love You. It was that moment in the barn all over again, except this time everything made sense.

When Nicky kissed him again something was different. The kiss was soft and gentle, both men barely breathing. Everything was still, like time itself had stopped, and when they pulled apart it seemed they both knew exactly what the other was thinking.

Nicky reached out to stroke Shane's hair and Shane leaned into his touch, kissing the palm of his hand. He wrapped his arms around the blonde, holding him close, their bodies almost as one. Everything was very intimate, the way they touched each other, the way they kissed, the look in their eyes, the way their body rocked together. Nicky could still feel the ghost of Shane's fingers inside him and he almost ached with need.

Shifting position slightly Nicky rocked back, showing his lover exactly what he needed. Shane watched him as he sat up and reached for the condom, trembling with anticipation, watching every movement he made. He watched as Nicky reached down and took Shane's cock in his hand. Just that one touch felt so incredible Shane just closed his eyes and lost himself in the moment.

Then he felt the condom being rolled on, and a generous amount of lube squirted on top. He groaned when Nicky took his time to spread it around his throbbing erection. He was going agonisingly slow, Shane needed to be inside him, now!

Nicky knew exactly what he was doing to the man, and the smirk that crossed his face when he leaned down to kiss him, shifting his body so that the tip of Shane's cock was now at his entrance confirmed it. Ever so slowly he lowered himself down, both men moaning aloud. They were gripping onto each other, eyes intense, both forgetting to breath until Shane was fully inside. They'd had sex before of course but this was different, far more intimate, they had never felt so connected.

When Nicky leaned down again to capture Shane's lips once more the brunette took advantage of the new angle and pulled out ever so slightly, only to slam back in again. The blonde cried out in both pleasure and pain, Shane continuing to thrust, harder and harder each time. They both knew he was still holding back, not wanting it to be over just yet, but Nicky was ready.

He started to push back, meeting Shane's thrusts every single time. Shane was seeing stars, he was so close. With strong hands he gripped Nicky' waist to keep him still, and pounded into him. The sounds in the room were obscene, skin slapping on skin, grunts and moans and heavy breaths.

'Fuck, fuck, fuck' Nicky began to chant.

Shane barely brushed his fingers over the tip of Nicky's throbbing cock and he came hard, walls constricting around his lover causing him to cry out too, riding out their orgasms together.

They collapsed in a tangle of limbs, sweaty and breathless.

'Well that was different' Shane managed eventually.

'uh huh' Nicky responded.

Shane chuckled as he stroked the soft blonde hair. Neither could move just yet and neither wanted to. Something was different, and they both knew exactly what. It was terrifying, it wasn't supposed to happen, they still had their girlfriends to think about and so they both chose to ignore the fact that this wasn't just attraction, not that that had worked before...


	12. Flashback 5 Pt2 - 1999

The following morning neither of them wanted to move. After some time they finally went for a shower together, and then since it was still too early to head to the airport curled back up on the bed. Everything was so intimate again. They had been doing this thing for months now, but it had never been like this. Wrapped in each other's arms they drifted back off to sleep until a knock at the door startled them.

'Who's that?' Shane asked Nicky sleepily. Usually on their days off the other lads knew to leave them alone.

The knock came again.

'Alright, we're coming!' Shane called out.

Nicky sniggered and Shane threw him a look.

'Put some clothes on' he said as he threw Nicky's jeans at him and scrambled to find his own.

Nicky was still half dressed when Shane opened the door to find Gillian and Georgina, looking very unimpressed.

'You're early!'

'No Shane, you're late, you were supposed to meet us at the airport!' Gillian said angrily.

'Wait, what time is it?'

'It's half past 2!'

'Shit, Gill I'm so sorry, we must have fallen asleep...'

Both girls looked into the room then and took in the crumpled sheets, Nicky still getting dressed, and then Gina spotted the bottle of lube on the bedside table.

'Nicky? What's going on?' she asked.

Shit! Shit! Shit!

The two boys looked at each other, helpless, how could they possibly explain this? Looking at the hurt, confused and angry faces of their girlfriends they knew there was only one thing they could do; they'd have to tell the truth. There were tears shed by all four of them as they all sat down and talked. The boys confessed everything, well almost everything. The girls couldn't believe what they were hearing, feeling heartbroken and betrayed. By the time they'd all run out of words to say they were all exhausted.

Gillian had booked a room for her and Shane.

'I think we should go Shane' was all that she said.

He nodded, gathered up his things, and with a sad look back at Nicky followed her out of the room.

Shane and Nicky didn't see each other at all for the rest of the weekend, both dealing with their own relationships. They had tried again and again to explain themselves to their girlfriends, at times talking about it for hours on end, but in the end there was nothing they could do. Whatever it was that the two men had shared, it was over now.

On the morning that the girls were due to fly home Shane woke up alone. He panicked thinking he had overslept again and Gillian had slipped away without waking him, but then he spotted her case. Relieved, he called out to her but there was no answer. Then he noticed the note: 'gone to see Gina'

There was a knock at the door. She must have forgotten the room key he thought, assuming it was Gillian. As he made his way across the room he caught his reflection in the mirror. He looked terrible, he'd hardly slept all weekend, but when he opened the door it wasn't his girlfriend standing there, it was Nicky.

'Hi!' Shane said in surprise.

'Hey,' Nicky smiled nervously at him 'the girls chucked me out, said I was to come see you'

'They did!?'

Nicky nodded. 'How are you?' he asked as he entered the room.

'I honestly don't know Nicco' Shane sighed.

'Yeah, it's been an intense weekend' Nicky agreed.

Without thinking he wrapped his arms around his friend and pulled him close. Shane hugged him back, resting his head on his shoulder like he always did, breathing him in.

'I've missed you' he said into his neck.

'Yeah I've missed you too.' Nicky sighed.

'Did they say why you had to leave?'

Nicky shrugged 'said they needed to talk, that was it.'

They were both worried, the girls were going home soon and they couldn't help feeling like they were not going to like what they had to say.

An hour later the two men sat across from their girlfriends gaping at them. Whatever they had expected them to say, this was most certainly not it! They were being given permission to continue "looking after each other" as long as it didn't happen when they were around! They said they figured if they were with each other then they weren't with anyone else. The boys couldn't believe it.

'Are you sure?' Shane asked.

'We're both sure' replied Gillian 'We're not crazy about the idea, but we know it must be tough on you guys being away from home all the time. If this gets you through then we won't stop you. You're obviously very comfortable with each other and we're both glad you won't be lonely'.

The lead up to the album release was crazy. Between putting the final touches to the album itself, promoting it on TV and radio, and then the actual release itself, the lads barely stopped, but it all paid off. Westlife's debut album went straight to Number 1! They had done it, their first three singles and now their album. It was like a dream, they were smashing this! Shane felt as though he was on top of the world, all he had wanted was to sing in a band, make good music, and have people like it. Now he had it all; the dream job, the childhood sweetheart, and as he looked across the room at Nicky he knew that his life really was complete.

Ever since the girls had OK'd their relationship things between them had been incredible, not that it hadn't been before, but the weight of guilt had finally been lifted. Now whenever they were together they were able to just shut out the rest of the world and just be them; ShNicky. It was a silly name that they'd heard some fans use, apparently everyone was starting to notice how close they were. Shane and Nicky found it amusing and played on it to get the fans excited. Kian had originally thought it funny too, that was until he walked in on the two of them and the secret was out! He was obviously shocked and angry to say the least, even after they explained the whole situation, but he eventually came around in the end and said it was their business, and to just try be more subtle about it.

They weren't being subtle now! Like most people under the influence of alcohol they had lost their inhibitions, and this was a BIG celebration. One last hurrah to celebrate their success before they all went home for a break over Christmas and New Year. Kian looked over at the pair now. They were dancing together in the corner and from a distance it just looked like two drunk men having a laugh. But Kian could see it; the way they looked at each other, the way their hands lingered. He was honestly surprised no one else had noticed.

When the music changed to a slower song he watched as a drunk Nicky pulled an equally inebriated Shane closer towards him. They were now in a loose ballroom hold, occasionally Nicky would spin Shane under his arm, both of them grinning and laughing, and then their embrace changed again. Shane gripped onto Nicky's shoulder as he was pulled in by the waist. Kian expected him to pull away, but instead Shane rested his head on Nicky's shoulder as they continued to move slowly to the music.

'This is nice' Shane whispered into Nicky's ear.

'Mmm' Nicky agreed.

'I feel like I'm dreaming'

'Well I am an awesome dancer' Nicky teased.

Shane laughed softly and said 'You're awesome at a whole lot more than just dancing' Their eyes met as they continued to sway to the music. 'I can't believe this is happening. We're actually doing it Nicco, Westlife is successful, I'm having the time of my life, and I get to share every single moment of it with you.'

'Looks like all your dreams are coming true'

'You've said that to me before' Shane remembered.

'Yeah, do you remember when?'

'Of course I do, It was the day Swear It Again went to number 1, the day we stopped fighting this'

'And look at us now' Nicky smiled fondly.

Shane resumed his previous position and whispered 'you are my rooftop now Nicky'

Nicky felt like his heart could just burst. 'And you are mine' he replied 'I love you so much Shane'

Shane's heart pounded at the words. Nicky had said it! The three simple words neither had dared to say because it meant that this was so much more than "looking after each other". He looked up and could see just how sincere Nicky was, and suddenly remembered that they weren't alone.

'Come on,' he said, taking him by the hand and leading him out to the balcony. It was dark outside and there was no light. No one would be able to see them as they closed the door and walked right into the corner. Satisfied that they were indeed now alone Shane pulled his lover in for a long lingering kiss.

'I love you too Nicky' he said.


	13. Epilogue - New Years Eve 2018

The day after Christmas Shane suggested inviting the lads and their families for a big New Year's Eve celebration. 2019 was going to be a very big year for them; their comeback single was being released in just 11 days, and their Twenty Tour would be kicking off in less than 5 months time. Shane wanted to bring in the year with all the people that were going to make this year special, but more importantly he wanted to spend it with Nicky.

Sligo was amazing at New Year, every pub was full of people and music, the whole town was like one big party. Nicky had never experienced a Sligo New Year before, so rather than invite them all to his house he asked Finbarr if they could use the upstairs area of the shop.

With all 9 kids running riot, the music far too loud, and more food than was necessary, Shane had barely had a chance to say Hi to Nicky. It was good to see that everyone was clearly enjoying themselves, he was enjoying it too, he loved this big Westlife family, but he wished that he and Nicky could just have a moment.

They'd had very little time together since the girls had agreed to let them continue their relationship. They messaged each other every day, of course, talking about what it would be like when they were back on the road again, about the new album and the songs that Ed Sheeran had wrote for them, about their everyday lives and their families, reminiscing about their past and talking about their future.

The response to Westlife coming back so far had been beyond their expectations, but even still they were uncertain of what would happen next. The next year was planned out, and everyone hoped they could just continue to do what they had done before, touring at the start of each year and releasing a new album at the end of it. They all wanted it so bad now, wanted it to go well, wanted it to continue as long as it could.

For Shane and Nicky it meant so much more than continuing their successful careers. The longer Westlife were around, the longer they had with each other. The thought of having to end this all again killed them, and so for the most part they tried not to think about it. Instead they embraced every single moment they had together.

Finally, just 10 minutes until midnight, Shane managed to get him alone. He had finally managed to pull himself away from Mark and Cailean who had been telling him about an amazing holiday they had been on. Before anyone else could intervene he headed for the door that would take him up to what was the house he had grown up in. He caught Nicky's eyes and motioned for him to follow.

'Jaysus it's freezing out here' Nicky stated, rubbing his hands together as he approached him.

Shane just smiled, and when he sat down beside him took his hands in his own and brought them to his lips to kiss them gently.

'I knew you'd know where to find me' he said softly.

'Can I ask you a question?' Nicky asked.

Shane nodded.

'Am I still the only one that knows about it?' He gestured to the rooftop.

Shane nodded again, and wrapped an arm around him. 'Who would have thought back then that we'd be sitting here now, 20 years on. Having done all the things we've done, and about to do it all again'

'Not me, that's for sure!' Nicky chuckled.

Shane laughed too and shook his head. 'Yeah, me neither, yet here we are.'

'I still remember it so clearly you know' Nicky said 'I remember feeling something between us, this spark, like nothing I'd ever felt before'

'You've never told me that'

'No, I was always too afraid too' he admitted.

'And you're not now? What's changed?'

'We're still here! 20 years on and...' Nicky turned to look him in the eyes as he spoke '20 years on and I still feel that spark when I'm around you Shane. When I hear you sing I get butterflies, when you smile I get weak, and when we're together, really together, it's indescribable. I've loved you from the moment our hands touched on this very rooftop and I don't think I'll ever ever stop loving you.'

It was one of the most wonderful things Shane had ever heard.

Reaching up to stroke his cheek he said 'you're amazing, I feel like the luckiest man in the world'

'You and me both' Nicky replied with a smile.

'I don't want this to end, when Westlife is over I can't lose you again'

'The band's only just got back together, let's not think about it ending just yet!'

Shane laughed lightly 'I know, Westlife 2.0 has only just begun, and who knows how long it'll last. But I love you so much Nicky. Westlife are back together and so are we, what more could I possibly want.'

The bells rang out to announce the arrival of 2019 just 1 minute after Shane and Nicky got back downstairs. Both went to their own wives, joined in with the countdown, and cheered when everyone else did. Over the crowd they managed to catch each other's eye and shared a knowing smile. This really was going to be the best year. Both Westlife and ShNicky were now back together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Thanks for reading! I hope you've enjoyed reading my ShNicky fic as much as I enjoyed writing it. Here's to more ShNicky moments in the future <3


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